As I've mentioned before, I've always struggled with the feeling of not being understood. In my formative years that was my main source of frustration, because it somehow seemed that others got to be understood, apart from me. I was thinking in "weird" and "wrong" ways, not like the rest. This burden at some of the peek points led me even to some minor destructive behaviours, like, purposefully damaging objects as a cry out.
I loved Sherlock Holmes books so much, just because it gave me hope, that maybe, there just might be someone out there that could understand me after all, just by having a look at me.
In My Mind-menders series, I'll let you in the twisted way of my thinking; my meticulously crafted and deliberately made up wild worldviews that I choose to live in on a day to day basis, my thought experiments, that I dip myself into, just to explore them, my curiosities and everything in between. I know some of you won't be comfortable with some of these ideas, some of you will think they're simply foolish, ignorant and naive. That is all perfectly fine. The idea is to just play with concepts, ideas, patterns and archetypes. Not to take them dreadfully seriously. But merely indulge in make-believe and to explore on an emotional level all the possible and most importantly--the impossible "what ifs".
Welcome to my mind.
We'll start off easy. With my first ever culture shock and how it revealed to me one of the defining aspects in my "weird" brain development. When, as a tiny-tiny person, I first got to explore other living environments outside of my childhood home I experienced my first culture shock - when I saw apartments with nothing more than just wallpapers on the walls. It gave me chills, it felt so not-home like. And then it dawned upon me. Wait.. these poor souls have not a single painting at their disposal? What? How can they even feel at home in these claustrophobic four walls? What do they look at for hours to let their minds roam freely? There are not even intricate or interesting patterns on these wallpapers to get lost into. How can they function? How do they not feel imprisoned?
Up until then, I hadn't even realised that I had taken paintings and what they provided for me for granted. They were to me, indeed, windows to other realms--just sit there patiently all focussed and soon enough you get dragged into the scenery, you're in there, or rather out there in that landscape, you feel the surroundings, the weather, the smells and sounds. Sometimes, if a painting was not in sight, I'd get lost in a pattern on a tapestry, curtains, rug or wooden plating. In such cases, I enjoyed examining the pattern in such scrutiny that it began to feel foreign yet again as if seen for the first time (similarly as it happens with words if you repeat them over and over and over again).
Now if you can relate to any degree, do drop a comment and let me know, what has been your experience of transporting your awareness. How early on was it happening, what were the circumstances or preconditions? If you can't relate, would you dare to go to an art gallery and try to "get lost" in a painting you'd feel comfortable with? Would definitely love to hear your experience.
Stay imaginative,
~Josie~
Fragment of a painting by Aina Boža (1997)
Surprisingly, I get where you are coming from, or I think I do. We as a people have allowed ourselves to become slaves. Do we think for ourselves anymore? Do we see for ourselves anymore? Do we listen to ourselves anymore? We allow ourselves nothing that feeds and sustains us anymore because we're too busy feeding a machine that ensures the continuation of the same cycle. It was about three years ago - I noticed a leaf falling from a tree and instead of just being like, oh yay - falling leaf. In that moment I saw countless movements of back and forth, I saw the life one leaf carried and the multitude of colours that would soon drain from the leaf and that to me was endless beauty - to have witnessed what was perhaps three seconds at most, and to have caught a glimpse into what could have been a yearlong amount of time spent on the creation of one leaf. I notice little things more now.
Funny I never thought much of wallpaper but now that you mention it I used to imagine balls rolling and bouncing off the patterns on the wallpaper