I’ve been meaning to write for a long time. I like to write. The past months have been pleasant and dreadful all at the same time. I’ve been a procrastinator. I think I can change that. I feel as if I’m lost in the woods nonetheless I have a compass. Sometimes I feel like I’m in control but I know I’m not. My mind is cluttered with incompatible concepts, views, and emotions. I find myself having a difficult time identifying not only them but myself. I wish for clarity. I don’t want to be an immoral person. What is an immoral person? I think I may be ill, not the typical cough cough sniffle sniffle type of ill but maybe my mind is stagnating and ineffective. I overthink. I’m probably fine. Am I God attempting to get to know oneself? Is that a ballsy statement? I read that God had to separate from “it” to know “it.” All it knew is that “it was.” I read that everything is that separation attempting to learn what it is. Which would mean it’s not separated at all now wouldn’t it? I like to think I am an extension of God. I find relief in the idea of God getting to know itself more so than the idea of Allison getting to know herself. People say God is complicated. I don’t believe that to be true, or do I? Is it even really, “getting to know,” or is it just creating, expanding even. Maybe it’s just remembering. I like to write. I like to write but I fear if I were to leave my journal in a subway station the person who found it would contemplate if I’m off the deep end. There are no subway stations where I live. I like to think whoever found my journal would relate. I like to think we’re all a little bit lost in the woods. I have a compass. I like plants, I like that I like plants. I enjoy surrealism. I like holding hands and gently brushing my thumb over the other person’s. I like long walks; I like exchanging smiles with strangers while I walk. I like to write. I like the idea of vulnerability. I say idea for the reason that I fear it. I want to be vulnerable. I want to take a giant mallet and break down this wall I’ve built so monstrous that I can’t even see over it. I’ve been in love with the same man since I was 14. I need to be alone. He knows. Too many colors make be feel uncomfortable and I have an odd obsession with the number three. Three is the best number. Three is the best number. Three is the best number. I like to pretend I’m in a movie, sometimes I don’t want to be the main character. I pretend I’m in a movie unless of course I’m in a car at 3am heading away from city lights that resemble stars in my rear-view mirror while listening to dreamy music. Now I’m in a music video. The camera zooms in from the outside to the driver window as I look in the distance. One single raindrop trickle down. I like the smell of rain. I should be focused on the road. I should be focused. I have a compass. If I’m not in control then who or what is? They say you orchestrate your life, but maybe I’m just someone in the audience of the theater. Could I be the violinist? I think I could be the violin.
welcome to steem it and. fun!
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Welcome to Steem.... have fun
Hi @allisonfrija! Welcome and congratulations on making your first post!!!
You're welcome. Good luck.
Welcome to Steemit @allisonfrija :)
Thank you! Excited to be a part of this platform!
Welcome to Steem, @allisonfrija!
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Sometimes things indeed get out of control but that's where we must focus only one the possitive side of our life and see more clear.
I hope you enjoy steemit platfrorm.
P.S found you from @haileyscomet blog for lake Moraine.
What a beautifull place.
Nice to meet you :)
Very true!
Ahh Lake Moraine was indeed breathtakingly beautiful!
Lovely to meet you as well!
welcome to steemit and hope very best in steemit community.hope u share original and good content. to know more about me ,follow me at @rohit786.
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Welcome to steemit ! Stay posting !!
This is the one of the kind post i like.. upvoted
WELCOME! So glad to have you have here!
This is so poetic, I feel the maddening insanity and a complete understanding. How can I be me if I am so many other people, how can I be someone else if I don’t even understand myself? I love your ultimate landing on being an instrument. Perhaps we are being played by god and are merely tools to relay messages.
Great first post! So happy to have you here!
Welcome to Steemit! Enjoy your time here!
Welcome to steem! I came onto your profile via the photo’s of the photoshoot in the rowingboat on the mountainlake. Which I loved!
Is this you in this photo too? Because it’s Another GREAT picture!
Thank you so much, that lake was absolutely beautiful and yes it is me! 🖤🖤
Wow, we'll, magnificent! Following you! Hope to see more photos of you, you're a great modelling!
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deep word and i like your post... it so cool to see how your personality interpret into your writing very well...
welcome to the steemit!!!
Hello!!!!and welcome to the community!!!
At the start I want to give you a small tip:
Upvote and comment a lot on the posts you find interesting and follow the people you find good......
As a starter I have also followed you and upvoted your post....
I hope that you succeed in this amazing platform.....
BEST WISHES!!!!
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welcome to steemit @allisonfrija you can be whoever you want to be
@allisonfrija I like u....U r just a typical writer because you think in paranormal way and it glorify your writing but the pain a good writer suffered during his/her career is beyond words
Yes, you can be a violin.
Welcome to Steemit! As a fellow writer...I loved your post! Following you in hopes of reading some great stuff. You are beautiful! An original. Happy Steeming!
Hi @allisonfrija, welcome to steemit and hope ypu will enjoys this platform. Cheero!
absolutely beautiful! Your words are so true and resonate with me deeply! I'm a newbie also, but welcome!
If it was a year ago I would have dismissed these ideas you mentioned in your writing, but since I have almost experienced (not exactly) the same feeling I totally understand it. In that condition one needs only focus. I was telling a friend of mine that sometimes I cannot differentiate between what is real and what is me and what is the transcendental.
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