I'll be forty soon. Something is different. I used to believe in one thousand ideas. Now I only believe in my self. And everyone else's self. Even when they don't.
For the past twenty years I studied all I could get my stay-at-home-mom-of-two busy hands on, took evening and week-end courses regarding the human: psychology, biology, alternative medicine, spirituality, philosophy. In the mean time, we moved overseas and raised a family.
Image source blogtyrant.com
Then we returned home, first to our home town, then moved to a small village.
Now, we moved to a big city. We live right downtown. From the green buzzing enchanting orchards of a small village, where birds, crickets, foxes, dear, dogs and cats all have a name and they know ours too, where wild flowers are chatty especially in the morning, where people faithfully follow cosmic rhythms: work the land, feed animals, milk animals, work the land, build animal sheds, sit and watch the world pass by. And repeat. Nothing outside this eternal cosmic order ever happens in the village. No one will ever tell you what you should do or don't do. It's the best place to rest and regenerate while doing a lot of physical work.
In the city, you've got to think. If you don't, someone else's thoughts will enslave you and carry you some alien place far far away. In the city, you must know who you are and do your own thing or someone else will tell you who you are not and what you can't do.
In the city you've got to think ahead and fast to match the speed of the "giant cosmic animal" (citing Andrei Plesu, Romanian writer). Because in the city, cosmos is moving on, just birthed.
If the giant cosmic animal is a big sphere of smaller spheres which are formed of smaller spheres, and smaller and smaller ... I am one small sphere somewhere in that pattern, filling with my unique color one little dot in that big picture. All my life I am stirring, whirling, mixing, reaching, testing, whitening, darkening, comparing, sifting, resting, pounding, baking until I become that exact specific unique color. Now, the trick of happy life is timing. I continually adjust my speed until it matches EXACTLY the speed of the unfolding cosmos. Don't dawdle, don't push on. Fine adjusting.
Once I'm a there, it's smooth happy flowing.
I'll turn forty soon. I have something to celebrate.
At forty, I get THE driver's license. I can drive my own personal spherical self.
MANTRA AT FORTY : MIND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS AND LET OTHERS BE.
Yours truly,
Andreea Garden
theoandmira.com
Here, Here!!
I'm a busy mom as well, and I can totally relate! :-O Taking care of little ones is such a handful, how do we do it all?? Your "unique color" means a lot to me, thank you for sharing. Many small, little dots can make up one giant connect the dots picture! Together, we can paint that picture. :D XO Cheers and best of luck to you in your future journeys @andreeagarden.
So wonderful to meet you, Robyn. I love your youthful energy. Like yourself, I used writing to keep calm and to focus myself towards that which I felt I was inside. I had no one to talk to and probably to my advantage. Verba volant, scripta manet (Talking flies, writing stays). Writing is healing and enlightening. I used to wonder where it all comes from. Looking forward to reading more of your romantic poems. Fair winds to you!
I like your mantra, because happiness is a choice that we make for ourselves. It is like a plant that we nurture and tend to. Watering it every day and giving it light so it will grow. No one else can make us happy, they can be a part of it but we have to make that choice for ourselves . Bravo :)
Many thanks. Oh, what a journey it has been for me this discovery. I started believing that if I make everybody happy they will make me happy in return. Next, I believed I had to make an effort to find actual things that make me happy, like hobbies or stuff. That was conditional happiness. I was trying to look happy. Now, I just sit calm, shush the monkey mind, wait and let happiness flood me from within. Everything of real value comes from within. Namaste! :)
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