Hello,
My name is Steve and I thought it would be interesting to post some real life stories. I'm new to this whole blogging thing, so some might come off as funny, stupid or just plain dark. One thing I will tell you though, all of these stories are true. So, here it goes....
Drunks vs bee's.....
It was a hot summer’s afternoon. The kind of day where you could fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you shouldn’t because sidewalks are filthy. My friends, Jason, Steve and another Steve (because eighty percent of the people I know just HAVE to also be named Steve) and myself (also Steve), were outside having a couple of cold beers, barbequing and shooting the breeze. After a few hours we started to get bored, so my friend Jason decided to bring out a couple of fifths of Jack and 151. Now, looking back on the idiocy that followed, and my almost untimely death, one asks themselves, “Why did I ever try this to start with???” Right now, I’m sure you are wondering what “this” is and I’ll get to that in a second. First, let me say that Jack Daniels, beer and 151 do NOT mix for any reason. Secondly, a large array of improvised weaponry, an angry swarm of bees and heights while being intoxicated is a horrible idea. Also, that these stunts were preformed under drunken supervision and should not be tried at home.
As I was saying, all of the booze we drank wasn’t quite enough to keep us fully entertained. So my friend Jason decides to throw a single shot Beebe gun into the fray. You know, the kind in the “Christmas Story” where they tell little Ralphie he’s going to shoot his eye out. We begin blasting rounds into cans, bottles and each other’s backs. Classy party, I know. We proceeded for about 20 minutes of agony for all living creatures, until we heard a buzzing that sounded like an apache helicopter landing directly on the front yard. When I first heard the hellacious noise, I began to think I was falling into an alcoholic coma. I yelled to Jason, “Damn I’m drunk!” While this WAS the case, the buzzing wasn’t coming directly from my buzz, but from a swarm of bees, just a tad smaller than the Berlin wall and a lot angrier than the Russians before it was tore down.
Seriously though, this wall of bees was massive. It was about ten feet high and fifteen feet long. We watched it hover in the street for about ten minutes before it finally flew into a large pine tree in Jason’s front yard. They formed a beach ball sized prison around their queen. This is when extreme stupidity and dumb arse drunkenness kicks in, two things I’m really great at. Jason looked curiously at the ball of death hovering in the tree. Jason turned to me and said, “Man, I’m deathly allergic to bees.” I paused for a minute and then replied, “Um, what are you planning to do?” The grin on his face is something that’s burned into my memory to this day. He starts shooting a barrage of bebees into the festering horde. Strangely enough, there was very little reaction from the bees. A few would putt around in circles around the ball and then rejoin the rest. The reaction really annoyed Jason. He starts running to the back yard, a man on a mission.
He returned about five minutes later, holding a large bag full of potential weapons. We then proceed to start hurling basketballs, footballs, bottles; just about anything someone can throw at an ever growing angry swarm of bees. All of this and still little reaction, then the 151 starts kicking in. I turn to Steve, “do we have a saw?” Sure enough, Steve replies, “Yes sir, we do!” I’d say that I was thinking of a plan at this point, but in all honesty I was way too hammered to be thinking. I start climbing only to realize that a pine tree’s bark is extremely sharp. However, this doesn’t deter me. Other Steve, found a hoodie in the back of his car. He then tells me, “You might be the biggest jackass I know.” I ignore this because it’s something I’ve already known and at that point I’ve caught the eye of the tiger. I ask for a boost to reach the first dangling branch so I can start my ascension.
Five minutes pass and I finally reach the Everest of bad ideas. Now, as I said earlier, the bees didn’t seem to mind basketballs, bebees or footballs. However, sawing the branch where at least 250,000 bees are resting, really seemed to piss them off. For a second, I almost felt like a rock star with a million eyes on me, but these weren’t the looks of fans to their favorite idols, it was the cold stare of tiny yellow and black stinging demons. I think I reacted the same way any stupid drunk would act…. I screamed like a little girl and jumped for my life. In my mind I imagined leaping like Bruce Lee and doing a tuck and roll when I landed, this was definitely not the case. I looked more like Greg Louganis in the 88 Seoul Olympics. Being drunk can make you do stupid things. Why I didn’t think about the fact that even if I did manage to chop off the branch, BEE'S FREAKING FLY!!! One positive thing is that after falling twenty five to thirty feet while being drunk, your body is surprisingly relaxed and bouncy, like a Bumble. I managed to escape with my life and only a few scrapes and bruises. Amazingly, the bee's just flew away and didn't lay scorched earth on all of us.
Looking back I realize this was a terrible idea. Sometimes in life we all do stupid things, but I also believe they can be a learning lesson. Hopefully the lesson we can all learn here, never climb trees to mess with a throng of angry and deadly insects, sober or intoxicated.
Hehe great story! Love your writing style. So true, everyone knows a Steve or three! Welcome to Steemit.
Thank you! I'll try and post some more stuff soon.
I had a pretty bad fall from 20-25 feet and the doctor told me it was a good thing I was loaded.
I only wish I had it on tape. I'm sure people think I'm exaggerating, but I was well above his rooftop.
Hi Steve, my name is Steve too
Steve
The password to the Steve club is, "The jade monkey." Welcome!
(If the sidewalk has become hot enough to fry an egg, would it not then also be hot enough to kill off most microbes?)
Welcome to Steemit! :D I like your writing style, I'll be checking about for more in the future. :)
Feel free to join us in our #MinnowsUnite Chat for any of your questions and to just chat!
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Thank you. I'll be sure to check out the chat.
in your next post, give us some images. I use steemimg.com to host my pics and link them in my post. Check my post:
https://steemit.com/steemit/@ace108/how-to-include-image-in-your-post-reference-to-using-steeming-com-in-include-pictures-your-post
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