I am a, soon to be, 30 year old guy. I'm lazy as fuck, and I generally have no interest in anything, what so ever.
I don't have any skills, other that writing bullshit on the internet, and growing cannabis. (Both of which, I do consider myself better than average at, though.)
I've been trying to get excited about different things, like modelling in blender, editing videos in vegas pro, and similar things. But I always end up getting bored with it after a while, and I put it down for other things.
Been smoking cannabis every day, for the last 7 or 8 years, and finally took a break, a couple of months ago, where I've only smoked a couple of times since. It's both good and bad, since I've been limiting myself, with smoking a bit too much, while at the same time, I've been using THC to calm the nerve pain I have, after a disease, some years ago, where no conventional medicine can do anything about the pain.
That also means, that I don't have a job either. Well, it's not the cannabis' fault though. The pain, and depression I've had for most of my life, tends to make everything seem irrelevant. And cannabis just added to that feeling.
- So I'm pretty much broke, though I don't really spend money on anything anyway. Since the pain hinders me to get out, as much as I want to, so there really isn't any point of having money.
Don't get me wrong though. I am a happy person.
- Most of my life, was spent on crying. I was bullied a lot through public school, and actually up until around my 26th year. Mostly because I had crappy parents, and no self-esteem at all, while at the same time, I was a people-pleaser. So I ended up being the easiest target, you could possibly find.
^Though, that all changed, when I found Christopher Hitchens randomly on youtube one day. For some reason, he made me realize that I wasn't as dumb, as people had made me think I was, and I started developing myself, for the first time in my life, (as far as I can remember) I wanted to get to know myself, but most of all, I was tired of crying all the time, and wanted to live a better life. So I decided to be happy.
(Yes, decided to. - I've come to see happiness as a choice. - And I might rant about that, later on.)
I'm still working on my self-improvement, and developing my brain, but as I wrote above, I don't really have an interest in it, so it gets irrelevant rather fast, and I end up taking breaks, where I watch a little too much anime, or play games a couple of hours too many a day. But progress is being done, and having a platform like this, where I can put my thoughts down, as to keep reminding myself of what I'm doing, should come a long way.
^ And obviously the incentive to earn a bit of cash, to pay for things I normally wouldn't do since I can't afford them, is not the worst thing. - Though, that does require people to read and like, my rants. Which I have no delusions of at all.
- Anyway. If you, by the slightest chance, enjoyed my scribble. Then do give it a vote. If you didn't, then do let me know of why you didn't. - You know, Self-improvement'n'all.
Cheers.
I enjoyed you're scribble, and applaud your authenticity. Keep it up, I look forward to seeing how you progress :D
Thanks @bennytremble, I honestly didn't expect anything from it. But I very much enjoy the comments I've gotten so far, it makes me feel like I might actually be able to produce something on here, other people might value.
Well, at least your being honest. Self-improvement comes in a myriad of ways. It seems you try different things and then eventually you become bored with it.
Sounds like you're good at growing the green herb. Give that a go. You could even expand into other plants (tomatoes, etc.) and see how you can apply the plant science you've accumulated to these other plants.
Better yet, you could even blog about it!
Good luck.
Self-improvement is always difficult.
Yeah, when things become the same over and over, I tend to stop doing it. I simply can't find the motivation for repeating the same process.
Once I get the space again, I will probably be doing some grows. And blogging about it, does seem like something I might try out. - So thanks for the idea. <3
Hey man, you are getting my upvote for being so honest!
I can relate to what you are saying and just wanted to tell you to keep your head up and when you are feeling down - read a book for pleasure : )
Cheers.
Thanks man, I appreciate that. ^_^