As a serious student and cunning investor, the last week had Chad wondering what helpful advice he could provide the growing group of people who believe there may be a glass ceiling preventing them from reaching steemit riches.
At first it seemed like a baseless accusation, but as the evidence mounted, Chad became convinced some strange, strange force was at work.
Without further ado, Chad presents to you, The Ultimate Guide to Making Big Bucks on Steemit ™.
Desperate times call for desperate measures
You've spent hours doing the research. Your words are strung together in a far more eloquent and concise way than the competition. Your posts go into the subject matter with more detail and attention.
Yet, none of it works. Clearly, you are missing something.
What could it be?
Towards a solution
Luckily, if you're really determined to achieve virtually guaranteed steemit success, there are options.
If you're reading this, Chad is going to assume you don't have 50k-100k to throw on STEEM POWER and upvote your own wonderful writing. Let's strike that one, yes?
What else?
Chad presents to you the following:
- Christmas in July
- A New Life in Maui
- Laying Low in Laos
- Trespassing Waterfalls and Giant Centipedes
- ...
Are you beginning to see the winning formula yet, aspiring successful steemit writer?
The answers are clear.
You must acquire tits, and you must travel. And if you do only one of them, acquire tits.
Fortunately, both are easy to achieve. Chad next presents a howto.
Chopping off the unnecessary bits .. and adding what matters
It sounds scarier than it sounds. Do not let the initial fears deter you, however. This is merely an instance of wtfuwannadotomycockphobia. No need to be intolerant and hateful, just shut up and get on with it.
Here (nsfw) is a link that will remove some of your doubts about the process.
You have to see this as an investment. Didn't you say you want to be a steemit superstar?
Don't be a pussy .. eeh.. wait.. this is getting confusing.
If you live in the right country
Should your country be progressive and enlightened enough to provide this mutila.. - sorry, wrong post - very important public health surgery at the expense of everyone else, look no further!
All you need is some balls (they won't be necessary for much longer, don't worry) and your own written consent.
You'll be set for steemit success in almost no time.
DING DING DING!
If you don't live in the right country
Thousands before you have already carved a path. Head to Thailand!
Don't you worry about the cost. Get a credit card or something, and use it. You see, success is virtually guaranteed!
Not only do you go and get your tits, you'll also get to write at least TWO travel stories!
Explore the region a little bit before heading back to your non-progressive shit of a country and you'll easily rake in another $30k blogging about your adventures.
Your credit card will be paid soon enough. No biggie.
For a better steemit
It's only by joining the hordes of primeministerwagelevelrewarded traveling females that the quality of content you see daily here on steemit can improve.
Throw outdated ideas like meritocracy out of the window. They create inequality by naturally allowing the more competent people to naturally rise to the top.
Sir, would you like some cognitive dissonance with that?
No, no no no. And no. Minorities are more equal than everyone else, because they're minorities.
They deserve to be treated equally, that is, in a privileged way.
Check your privilege, unless you're part of a minority group, in which case, maximize your privilege.
Moving on
It's been said that the whales vote disproportionately for such stories in order to spread the wonderful steemit wealth that you'll soon be surrounded by to other demographics, who somehow have managed to ignore the blockchain revolution for the better part of the last decade, while being busy with gossip, shopping, and complaining about oppression.
The answer is clear. None other than the evil patriarchy orchestrated this.
Anything but personal responsibility!
This will work to your advantage. Not only are you part of the helicopter money demographic now, you'll also be part of an even more protected minority (and this one is actually a minority!): transsexuals.
Leveraging your new minority status
Welcome to your new life as a woman and a transsexual!
You are now graced with such incredulous superpowers as accusing anyone who looks, touches, or speaks at you of hate crime, ignoring facts with impunity, potentially destroying a man's life with false accusations, state-supported financial rape of ex-husbands (a problem that even the creator of steemit faced), discrimination in your favor (it doesn't count), and a host of other privileges that are rarely acknowledged in polite company.
By itself, all of this will already make you pretty much impossible to touch - nobody will dare throw any criticism at you, or be mean to you. It is, after all, illegal online hate speech to do so. Your mind will grow furiously as your increasingly lunatic thoughts are not challenged by anyone for fear of repraisals.
A few brave people might still try and poke holes in your story. But don't worry!
Rather than learning to deal with criticism and not giving a fuck about what people think, or even outargue opponents, there is one last trick available.
For ultimate insurance, Chad suggests: convert to Islam.
Allahu akbar!!!
Allahu akbar!!!
Allahu akbar!!!
Allahu akbar!!!
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