I watched a modern-day sermon this weekend and it was life-changing.
We all know Mockingbird has been involved with clergy since at least the mid-point of the last century. We all REALLY know that a certain prince of the air has been wearing the nicest sheep's clothing in clergy for WAY longer than that.
I knew church services of today were filled with pew-luke-warmers. Swayers without Holy Spirit. Believers but those in a 'loving God' who 'welcomes all' no matter the sin abounding, rather than in a wrathful, jealous God that winds His Way throughout the Old and New Testaments.
But I didn't know how perverse it really was until my eyes witnessed it.
Since finding Christ (or did He come looking for me?) my tightrope has been a very wobbly ride full of Grace and Forgiveness. I have proofs. I judge myself though we're instructed not to. Not our job. And I forget to be glad when I've knowingly made GOOD choices, because as a Child of God we're supposed to be drawn to those things, though it does take some body-beating. My imperfections have been magnified and I don't always enjoy the view.
I thought I was sort of a waffler in Christ, though my love for Him often moved and still moves me to tears. I know He is here. He's made sure of that. I knew I'd been chosen by God and am in the process of being justified. It is humbling. Sometimes I try to assert my own will. I'm still learning. Thank those who are patient with me. Truly, thank you.
When I watched a group of pastors speaking verse that has become so dear to me...twisting it into a collections/tithing opportunity my mouth hung open.
When a middle-aged grandma dumbed down a scenario including Mary, Martha and Lazarus I watched her quite carefully as she marched through what is sacred to my heart...waiting for her to crush it as she missed the point completely. There were tears. I can't help it.
A bubbling anger in the pit of my stomach that was not my own developed as I watched. It wasn't my anger. My anger is red and hot and full of doubt and misfiring all over the place with misunderstanding the scope. This anger was His. Deep, broken-hearted, some strange sacred anger.
Sometimes I don't think I indwell that Spirit correctly. I felt Him. He made it plain it wasn't me. He showed me how elect I truly was to Him. How 'elite' my training in God's Word really has been. How unadulterated He made sure to keep it, especially...for me.
So many people have been reaching for what I have. They go to these services and never quite feel 'it.' And I don't wonder why. All these scattered seeds. 'Wednesday Encouragement' videos because Sunday wasn't enough and Sunday will never BE enough. It's every second. When you love Christ you come to Him. And when you're straying He comes to you, He pulls you in. He loves you back when you don't love yourself. He keeps your eyes on the Prize. Helps you focus.
I know that when shtf and that's already starting, that people will think that running to church is the answer. Like everything else as of late they will very deftly use the truth against them. I used to think I could do something about that. I can't even do much for myself. So I'll bear witness to that inevitability. I've already seen so many 'almost there's' throw their chances away daily. And every day they wake up they have another gracious shot at seeking the Lord. And don't. Took me 43 years, who am I to judge God's plan? I pray for those who are still unacquainted with who will introduce Himself in 'time.'
It's bad.
It's also so good my cup runneth over.
His Love & Mercy and Graciousness will never cease to amaze me in my life. I have done nothing to deserve what's been given to me.
It is hard to watch others have what they think they have be taken away.
I'm on a Team. The Door is Narrow. I have been Chosen.
very interesting times...