When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are It's a ball of gas and fire It can't hear you.
Why doesn't Rihanna tell her boyfriend jokes anymore? He always beats her to the punchline.
Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar
ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]
I had unprotected sex with a neurotic person a while back... Now I have genital worrywarts.
