Hi, I'm Captain Morgan and this is my uptight brother, J.P.
What's the best way to grease a Ferrari? Run over an Italian.
I'd like to think that when pedophiles hang out one of them always asks to see the kids menu and they all have a good hearty laugh
[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]
I wonder if people in 3rd world countries know that we can choose between crushed and regular ice cubes.
