When you are sixteen, or at least when I was sixteen, you imagine this life ahead of adulthood. You have a car, you have a job you go to each morning and home from each night, you have a partner, a dog and maybe a couple of kids. Everything is black and white and you are in this blissful life for the rest of your life!
Fast forward to twenty eight years old...and christ, I could not imagine a more boring life! My last twelve years have been confusing, thrilling, filled with adventure, and oh so maddening. My world has been flipped upside down more times than I can count, and it continues to flip each and every time I get even the slightest bit comfortable.
I have been so many things! I have been a democrat, a republican, a libertarian, now an anarchist. I've been a meat eater, now a vegan, a girlfriend, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an employee. Where I once believed guns killed people and should be heavily regulated, I now believe that everyone should have the freedom to protect themselves by the use of guns. I used to be pro choice, now I believe that I no longer have the authority to choose to end another person's life. I used to believe in CNN and Fox News, now I believe them to be the biggest liars on the planet and no longer put my blind trust into people I see on television or doctors who preach that they know what is best for my body. I've been shy, outgoing, out of control, too reserved, too messy, too clean. Too stubborn, too laid-back, too forgiving, too heartless, too lazy. I've been a cheater, a liar, someone who broke up relationships. I've hated myself and hurt too many people. I've also been faithful and loving and have been hurt myself. I've been jaded and untrusting. I've had wild, lustful evenings and belly laughs that have carried me through some of the darkest times in my life. I've met remarkable people and ordinary people who have done things that truly have changed the world or even just changed my little ol' life. I've felt alone in a room in a sea of people and I have felt full of excitement about life while I am at home alone in my kitchen dancing and cleaning at 3am in my underwear. I've known fear down to my bones and aches in the deep depths of my soul that I would not wish upon anyone, but also joy and a love so deep that I have been able to pour those emotions into another.
I wanted to be married at 22 with babies and a house of my own, making memories with my husband. Now I look at that fantasy life I had back then and I compare it to the lifestyle I have now. It's been hard to untangle myself from the expectations society had put on me my entire childhood. I feel so free and open to whatever adventures and opportunities open up to me next. I stopped thinking of my time as building a life and began thinking of my time here in this body simply as a journey that I am so grateful to be on. Every painful avenue leads me to a lesson that I try to use later on. I know that I nor anyone is perfect and I have been freeing myself from living up to the expectations of others because the only expectation that matters is mine. I have never felt better! A friend of mine just recently gave me some advice and I think I'm going to do it publicly here on my steemit page. 'Write down 5 things you are grateful for each day,' he said. So here goes:
5 Things I Am Grateful For Today:
-The freedom to be able to get up any time I'd like and make money by doing what I care and am passionate about.
-Burts Bees Chapstick <3
-My openness to change.
-My amazing boyfriend for doing the dishes and helping me clean the house while I was writing this post! (@krhedwards I love you! Sryyyy I was being a little mean to you!)
-KRATOM! GET YO'SELF SOME. It helps me so much just ease the anxiety and clears a path for the creativity and positive to gleam out.
Anyway, that's all I've got tonight! Hope you all are having a wonderful week and have lots of exciting plans for the weekend!
Thankful within the little
✅ @erinnn, I gave you an upvote on your post!
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Thanks for sharing! Life is fucking crazy and amazing. Enjoy it :) So Kratom helps with anxiety? I need to look at this some more.
I can totally relate girl! It takes some time at first to adjust to learning so much, and changing your opinions on things that you once thought would be concrete forever. Great post! Looking forward to more :)
I can relate to everything you've said lady! I agree with everything you wrote. It's funny sometimes how life can change us. We all grow as individuals and we all have different experiences that lead us to our current point in life. I am so excited I got to meet you and that we have so much in common. Beautifully written, by the way!