Full Disclosure: This was originally meant to be a 3 part series. The first part has already been published on my blog here. There is a line which separates that from the rest of the article.
Bench at the Park
Image by @alliski f/3.5 1/3200 ISO-400 #CanonRebelEOS Digital
The Ugly, Irritating, and Mean
So,
I went to the #dentist the other day. In and of itself, this is a life event for me. I've managed to go my whole life having entered a Dentist’s office all of 3 times.
I've also nearly made it to mid-30 with the one #cavity; my reason for my recent dentists visit.
I'm obsessive about my teeth. I spent 5 minutes explaining why I feel the need to brush my teeth 5, 6, 9 times a day.
But, again, that's another story which I'll consider telling later.
Dentist office Fear
Image by @alliski f/1.7 1/60sec ISO-64 SM-G930V 4mm
Germaine
Anyway, I was getting checked in. This was my first time to see this Dentist so there was a fair amount of intake paperwork. When the lady at the front desk with the beautiful name asked me who my employer was I said:
well, I work from home.
She smiled, laughed, and then joked that I was just rubbing it in to the tune of the commercial jingle.
Which got me to thinking.
I wasn't rubbing in anything. It's the answer she solicited. But, what struck me was my go to response.
In all actuality, I held back my answer. But, my go to answer was still swirling around my mind.
Working from home, and being self-employed isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Don't get me wrong
I love my job and I love what I do.
Yellow Butterfly On My Hand
Image by @alliski f/1.7 1/376sec ISO-50 SM-G930V
But it has its warts.
I'm sure Sam and Dean love what they do- but the real-life side of the Winchesters is probably less warty than their fictional roles.
I say this because the subjective perspective of what I do, and the objective reality are two completely different things. For those of us who are any good at and able to eek(ing) out any kind of humble living in this profession, the differences between the subjective perspectives objective facts are mutually exclusive.
It all comes down to #perspective, #reality, and #personal-responsibility.
Perspective
Doorway
Image by @alliski f/1.7 1/380 sec ISO-50 SM-G930V
I honestly believe that what my husband thinks I do is something akin to him posting on #TikTok. He loves TikTok. He’s having a lot of fun with that app right now.
What he does is this:
- Sits in his chair with his phone in his hand
- His hearing is impaired from the 50-Cal he was assigned to in Iraq, so, of-course, the volume is up as high as it can go without the phone sending that warning about loud volumes.
- He scrolls through his For You page and Following list looking for someone to Duet
- When he finds a video he can easily duet, he runs into the laundry room. The laundry room is the room with the best lighting in our house.
- A few minutes later, he comes out of the laundry room, playing his new video on a loop until I yield and watch it on my app.
Now, don’t misunderstand me please.
I love my husband dearly. But, in many ways he’s like a child. He needs lots of love and attention. He’s the youngest of 4 siblings, so…
Going back to the original discussion.
I honestly believe that my husband thinks that what I do is as simple as this.
In his mind,
- I sit at my desk, with my earbuds in.
- I go through the list of open and available jobs until I find one I like
- Since my desktop is an all-in-one behemoth, I can’t run off to the laundry room for light, so I make do with the lamp by my table.
- I send in my qualifications, and BOOM. Just like that I have a paying job. The job itself is nothing, and doesn’t exist for him. Therefore, my task is done. I’m done working, and will get paid for this sometime in the next 10 to 14 days.
Then there are my #in-laws. To them, I’m at home all day every day. In their minds, I don’t do anything.
To make matters worse-
I have #ADD. Those of you who have ADD understand this. I don’t #medicate. I never have, because the one medication that actually works for me without making me feel disconnected from my body is currently federally illegal.
Like I said, my husband is like a child in that he wants attention. When I spend his days off at my computer working to meet deadlines, he gets lonely and jealous. So, he interrupts me. This is never done maliciously or abruptly.
He’ll simply lean down to kiss me. Or he’ll stand in front of my desk staring at me until I look up. These interruptions may seem minor- but they’re catastrophic for someone with ADD. When I want to work, I have to put concerted effort into focusing on my task. When my focus is broken, even for a moment, I have to take more time to re-focus.
A simple kiss can cost me an hour of work.
Reality
Stairway in the shade
Image by @alliski f/8 1/160sec ISO-400 Canon EOS Rebel
I think the #image my husband got in his head when I picked up freelancing was:
A stay at home wife who should be able to
- Make bank
- Work 8 hours a day every single day
While she’s also able to:
- Have dinner ready every night
- Keep up with the laundry
- Make the bed every day with a re-make 3 times a week
- Dust, Vacuum, mop, etc…
- Be at the beck-and-call of his elderly parents
- Do all of the grocery shopping
- Walk our high energy senior dog 4 times a day
- Give our Pit-Bull enough attention to wear her out on the daily
- Manage the bills, and family budget
- Change the light-bulbs, fix the garbage disposal, clean out the gutters on the house, install his parents new water distiller, install the new water line for the ice-maker, and do whatever else a honey-do list is consisted of.
- Generally Never have a day off…
While he:
- Works 4 ten hour days
- Takes a 3 day weekend every week
- Spends his days off playing #Destiny and #Fortnite
Plain and simple,
There are a lot of reasons for people to stick with conventional employment.
- I get little to no respect from my husband and his family for what I do. I’m always explaining and re-explaining what I do. It’s like they refuse to understand. But then again, they’re also old, so it may just be dementia. But my husband has no excuse really.
- The Scammers are horrible. They’re always out there lurking and looking. These people are always willing to take advantage of a writer in a content mill. The problem is that sometimes it’s hard to tell these people apart from genuine clients.
- Neighbors’ and family are able to freely think things like oh, she’s homes. She must not be busy.
- Way too many clients want to pay next to nothing if nothing at all.
- As a freelancer, I’m responsible for all of my materials, and equipment. In the grand scheme of things, there’s not a lot. But what there is, is often expensive. Also, part of this includes membership fees, publication dues, etc…
- Taking time off costs me money. If I get sick, those are hours I can’t work.
- I have to know tax law just so I can keep myself out of trouble.
- I don’t have the cushion a conventional employer offers.
When I say that I get little to no respect, I mean that. My in-laws seem to be under the impression that I can avail myself of their services whenever. Don’t get me wrong. I love my in-laws. Mostly, they’re great people. However, it tends to rub the nerves raw when I tell them that I’m working, and they get upset when I tell them that I can’t just jump for them.
My father-in-law is usually better with this than my mother-in-law. Tony will ask me to do something for him in a way that allows me to put it on their dedicated sticky-note to do later. When Rose asks me to do something, she fully expects me to jump immediately. Her tasks are often time consuming and involving. The latest task she asked me to do was to pull weeds.
This is something I do for her often. She has a lovely #flowerbed out back, which I usually tend to. However, some of the #weeds were annoying her when she looked at the bed from her kitchen window. But, she can’t pull the weeds herself. Some of them require considerable strength. That aside, her #flower bed is riddled with #poisonIvy. She reacts to it badly, and I don’t have a reaction to it at all. So, I generally pull the weeds for her.
I was going to do it anyway when the sun started to descend behind the trees and it cooled off. But, she insisted that the weeds had to be pulled at high noon. *
As a #writer, I’m always sending in #pitches and such. From time to time I land something great. However, as a writer, I also have to #diversify. This requires working with #contentmills. There are a lot of #scammers and time wasters.
The most recent incident involved a woman who said she was looking for a writer for specific content. I sent in my Clips sheet, and made myself available for an interview. 3 hours later, I realized she was only running me in circles, asking me for market research data. I was pissed.
While this particular #scammer wasn’t looking to rob me, she did anyway.
One of the #fundamental #facts about #freelancing is that 3 hours cost me about $100. Wasted time- Time not spent #working, #writing, and such- is time I’m not actually getting paid for. I don’t get to take sick days. If I get sick, I don’t get paid for the time I’m down.
It’s that simple.
The Company Store
Image by @alliski f/10 1/200sec ISO-400 #Canon EOS #Rebel #Digital
While she didn’t get money in hand, she did get my time. She could very easily have posted that she needed people to spend time on her market research answering questions, and offered to pay us for the effort. But that all goes back to respect, and scamming.
The trouble is that many people feel like what they’re asking for should be delivered on the cheap. An astoundingly large number of #clients aren’t willing to pay a fair rate. One contributing factor to this is other writers. Baby, underdeveloped, and poor writers will write for low fees. Another issue arises when there are writers in the #marketplace who view this as their #side-gig.
This is my #main-hustle. Not my side gig. So, I get to deal with assholes who think they don’t have to pay a fair and decent rate for product delivered. It’s infuriating.
Then, there’s what we have to do with the pay.
When I give a #bid for a potential client, many times, they want to #negotiate. My #rates are #non-negotiable. I have my reasons for this.
For one thing, I don’t have the cushion of a #conventional #employer. A consequence of this is that for me to have the equipment and supplies I need, I have to pay for it all. When I established my rates, at first I didn’t take into account the cost of #computer repairs, a new desk, pens, and notebooks.
I’d had my last computer since college. I loved that #laptop. But it crapped out on me. I had to shell out for a new computer. Then, my arms started hurting. The new #keyboard kept my wrists and hands flat. It was more than $100 for an #ergonomickeyboard and mouse. Then, I found that I had a hard time always sitting to do work.
I have ADD so any time I can stand and move around, my productivity skyrockets. I bought a #Varidesk, standing mat, and chair. This came to more than $500. In order for me to do my work, I have to have the proper equipment, which all accounts for over-head.
###Clients have asked me why the rates of some writers are so much higher than others.
My answer is this.
Writers who have lower rates are new, underdeveloped, or bad at their job. I can say this with a fair amount of certainty because #experiencedwriters know the costs associated with what we do. #Exceptionalwriters won’t work for less than their worth.
The next question I usually get is:
- What costs could there be? You’re just a writer. *
My answer:
- I may be “just” a writer. But if it’s so simple then you shouldn’t have any trouble doing the work you’re trying to pay me for. *
I found early on that trying to explain the concept of how #overhead affects freelancers usually falls on deaf ears, so I gave up trying.
Finally,
Having a job as a freelancer is fundamentally different from conventional employment in that once those who are conventionally employed get the job, they can shelve their resumes. With Freelancers, not only do we have to maintain a pristine professional account on something like LinkedIn, but we are constantly working to better our reputations. This is because we are constantly putting in applications, making bids, and interviewing for the next job. This has to be done constantly in order to keep work in our queue. Otherwise, we run out of work. Also, one #badclient can tank a writer's hard earned and well-deserved good reputation.
I maintain my #resume, and a #Clips sheet. These are things that I have to alter and fine tune weekly- at a minimum. Then, since I use my real name, I have to manage privacy’s on my social media accounts on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Vero. This means that not even my mom can tag me without a request for my approval of the post.
My social media presence must, at all times:
- Be pristine
- Jive with my Clips sheet and resume
On top of all of this, the importance for maintaining a blog can’t be understated. In order to get the gigs that are actually worth something, I have to maintain a WordPress blog or website, to which I post regularly.
- The purpose of the social media presence is to show who I am.
- My clips and resume show what I have done.
- And my blog site showcases my talents as a writer.
Personal Responsibility
A Trumpfull Hand
Image by @alliski f/1.7 1/10sec ISO-250
It’s not all bad.
Now that my bitching and ranting is over, there are reasons to do this work.
- I love what I do.
- While I do have to adhere to and keep in mind deadlines, I have a large amount of leverage where my time is concerned.
- Every job is a new challenge
- I get to read a lot
- There is enough diversity in what I do to keep my mind active, and happy.
The truth is that I do what I do for a lot of reasons.
- I have #ADD. So, spending years of my life at one job, doing the same routine over and over again kind of makes my disorder rattle.
- I find what I do very #rewarding. On those occasions where I do find a grateful client, I find the interactions and #relationship building fulfilling.
- I have a #pit-bull who likes me at home. The ingrate pesters me all day for walks. After-all, I’m just sitting at home so I should be walking her. But, with her high level of energy, I don’t have to leave her alone all day.
- Then there is the fact that I can fit my #deadlines around the days when I need to help my #father-in-law in his #vegetable garden, or help my #mother-in-law #cook #dinner.
I work for myself, on my own steam. My #success is based on my #work. #Freelancing and writing allows me to take #responsibility for the source of my #income, and I don’t have to sell my soul or the best years of my life to earn a decent living.
When my husband and I take a #vacation, he gets paid time off. I don’t. However, I can spend those first few hours that I’m awake each day writing. This usually entails writing about our #experiences, taking notes, and #organizing #photos; all of which I eventually turn into travel articles.
When I go home to visit my family, I can spend some time squirreled away working. This might not sound so great for some of you, but understand that while I love my family and I adore my youngest niece and nephew, my family are also crazy.
So, having an excuse to go off in private to work is the only thing that sustains my ability for prolonged familial visits.
Otherwise, I end up traveling the distance for a day’s visit.
Where my #in-laws, #husband, and some of my #clients have little respect for what I do, my #family have tremendous #respect for what I do.
Every time one of my #articles is printed in a #publication, my #dad, #aunt, and #mother find themselves a copy. It doesn’t matter what it is. I once published a #sage #growing #photoessay in a #metaphysical publication. My family aren’t #Wiccans, though I am.
Hi alliski,
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Thank you for sharing such an honest article. I am sorry that your husband and his parents don't appreciate your work. It's sad considering everything you do for them on top of daily job. Many people don't understand that when you 'sit' at home you are actually busy and that being a freelancer is more than just a cool word. I can imagine that it's very stressful not to know if you'll get next job or not. I would personally find it too insecure so I admire you for being able to do it and for loving what you do. I hope that one day you will get your well deserved appreciation :)
Have a lovely day and congratulations on your curie vote!
First of all, I must say your photography is haunting. I had a hard time reading the post because the images lingered in my mind and I saw myself going back to each one once and again. Long posts are already hard to read, this additional "distraction" only made it harder :)
Now that I am not teaching any more (had to quit, but the whole univeristy system was ruined/destroyed, so there's nowhere else in that area here) I can relate to the core issue here.
I am not a writer in the author sense of the word; I work more on translations and in addition to the complications of this work, you find people who keep treating it as if it were lawn-mowing.
I will start using your line. I just wish one did not have to be rude to make people undertsand what to us is so commonsensical.
Wish you the best
Henry,
Thank you for your vote and response.
You're right. We shouldn't have to be rude to be properly heard and understood. Luckily though, I have a penchant, and a reputation, for being blunt. So, usually, people take my words in a way which allows them some level of comfort.
I'm being rude, but It's only because I have no filter. Not because I mean anything by it. :)
Also, I'm stoked you enjoyed to photography. It's a long time hobby of mine. I really enjoy it when others enjoy it more. So, thanks for that.
My pleasure. Thank you for the great writing and introspection.
Ha...Your longgggggggg lament is one of which many freelance writers can easily relate to.
Congratulations also on your recent up-vote by @ocd. I had re-steemed it to help get you noticed.
Thank you for that. I decided to take a peek before getting back to work tonight and was SURPRISED by the number of votes. I'm amazed.
So, I wrote the part above this a day and a half ago. Thank you for your vote, re-steem, and comment. I greatly appreciate you in your effort. And, yes. Lol. It is rather long. Thank you for taking the time to read it.
You were 'also' curated by CURIE in your last post with all the up-votes attached. That happens with their voting trail when you're selected by them (one of their curators found you and liked what they read)
@Curie is one of the few premium curation projects here, that rewards the best.
Congratulations.
I noticed the curation from CURIE. I read the other posts that were curated that day as well. They were all very good. I'm pretty sure I have your re-steem to thank for some of that attention- or at least I feel like I do. So, really... Thanks for that.
It was all very exciting to see.
All of these up-votes, and the engagement feels amazing and humbling.
You're welcome... It is my hope that my small effort did help in some way. Just don't get discouraged too much if the acknowledgement for your work goes through periods of low response; if ever it happens that way, which is the norm here.
That was a nice share @alliski, I almost feel what you really want to say for all those who belittle your job. Writing is one of those very decent professions and must be treated with the same regards with others. I have a very high appreciation to writers because exceptional writers need to do a lot of research because for sure you don't know everything and that what makes you credible in what you are doing. I love writing but the writing does not love me at the moment. I used to write when I was in school but it was not honed as expected. Just recently I started again writing for pastime, featuring the travels that I have made. It is still the work of a newbie, I am sure, but hopefully, I get to improve my skills especially in the precision of the usage of the English language. It was kind of my hobby, to free myself from being stagnant, that is why I can't dare say that all writers are all just the same. It is because some have the talent to recollect ideas and synthesize thoughts unlike me who just do it during my free time.
Don't bother those who can't understand you, the important thing is someone else does. Continue doing what you really love.
I hope your write-up will inspire others to do the same. Cheers ma'am. You are already blessed.
Thank you for your encouragement, and for taking the time to reply and up-vote. I'll tell you a secret that not many people know. In school, my grade in English and Literature was a C average. I could never get my grade up because my English teachers didn't see me as a writer. I barely passed my English and Writing classes in College.
However, I was always good with public speaking, sciences, and history. Sciences and History taught me the value of research, and practiced public speaking taught me how to deliver what I'd learned. Plus, I started using an online editor which helps a lot.
Hey @alliski, interesting blog lifetime story or whatever you want to call it.
I appreciate that you get personal and talk about your thoughts and what's going on in your life. Is it a problem for you that everyone thinks that you should have enough time to do the household and take care of your husband?
At least I have the feeling ( do not want to get personal though). I have respect for what you do and think that you do really hard work. Hope that post is also a bit sarcastic because I had the feeling that you do not feel comfortable with how things are.
Cheers
Max
Oh Max,
One part of my personality is a sense of humor that is dry at times, and a bit twisted the rest of the time- if that makes sense. Then, I went off and married a consummate wise ass who is incapable of having a serious conversation ;). A lot of what I write is based off of the serious and factual with a bit of story telling, and sick humor. So, yes, bits of the post are me being sarcastic.
I love my family. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything- including my crazy mom.
To answer your question: It's not a problem for me that they think I should have enough time to basically be a superhero housewife. I was raised by a feminist who taught me what can essentially be broken down by those song lyrics- You do you boo, because I'm most certainly going to do me.
I was also raised to speak up, use my voice, state my opinion, and walk away if it comes to that. As a matter of fact, I've already walked from one marriage when my ex became abusive and controlling. "Fair" is a 4 letter word not spoken in my family so I believe that what my in-laws think and what my husband thinks is exactly what an opinion usually amounts to. Nothing more.
Oh while reading I was maybe judging or surprised for the first few minutes. The i assumed its a fiction maybe, but as I came down and saw there is no fiction tag to the post and its all real. UMM, all I want to ask is what if you are out somewhere travelling , example hiking, then how do you manage to brush your teeth 5,6,9 times a day?
When I'm out for the day, I usually carry a toothbrush with me. If I know that I'm going to lunch with the girls. or family, I take a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse.
I've learned from experience that toothpaste is not strictly necessary to clean the debris that eating creates. So, when I go hiking and such I don't usually like to waste the weight allocation on things that aren't essential. It's interesting that you mention hiking though, in this context. My hiking buddies spent a lot of time making fun of the fact that I won't carry toothpaste, but I'll carry 2 toothbrushes. One I keep in my hygiene kit which I use when we make camp. The other I keep accessible in my side pouch for when we stop to rest.
Also, I've noticed that I eat less often when I'm hiking. Usually, a cup of water and a dry toothbrush is enough to keep the debris from driving me nuts.
hahah sorry I am laughing in a positive manner. You are such an interesting person to be friends with, amazingly unique human <3
hi @alliski
what you feel must not be a beautiful sensation. unfortunately people still have too many prejudices about many things, starting with the women and the work we do. many connect the concept of work to a physical effort or to going to an office, while intellectual work is not considered at all, as you say is like doing nothing. it's frustrating. and anger that your being at home is equivalent to being disturbed at all times !!
Luckily you don't give up, you don't let yourself be influenced by the opinions of others and you continue to do what you like.
congratulations for the curie vote and thanks for sharing with us
Thank you for your comment, and vote.
It is frustrating and infuriating at times, but fortunately it's not all the time. The majority of what I feel comes from the joy of what I do so that's pretty great.
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STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!