How come I saw this late? You posted when I was already asleep @gloglo
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is the worst that can happen to you, not only is it toxic, it kills you slowly like poison and makes you wonder your self worth. It messes with your psychology and seen you start feeling like you deserve all the ill treatment you are getting because they make you believe it's your fault. It is a very sad and unhealthy relationship.