Why her and not you? Well...
I’ve been doing a review of my dating past lately. Looking at my dating record, it’s been a long string of disappointments. Guys would date me for years, refuse to marry, then within a year, would get engaged to another girl.
To a point, I’ve basically shunned modern dating because I can no longer handle another disappointment. For the longest time, I wondered why guys went for the other girl rather than me — the girl who actually put in work to keep them.
It took me a long time to understand men, especially when it came to looking at them from an outside perspective. The truth is that their reasons actually (somewhat) make (douchey) sense at times. Here’s the truth about why he chose her over you immediately after dumping a long-term girl.
- Most men know, fairly early into the relationship, whether it’s something they want to go the distance. The only thing is that they won’t tell YOU.
Most guys know when they have decided to have a girl as a keeper, and I’d say they know it within the first three months. If you were the one dragging the relationship along and badgering him to commit , then as hard as it is to say, you shouldn’t have done that.
He already knew he didn’t want to commit. He just didn’t want to rock the boat, lose you, or appear to be a jackass.
- He may have used you as a “backup plan” or a rebound knowing that he would never commit to you.
It’s true, and it’s pathetic on men’s parts, but it’s true. A lot of men use good women by dangling a ring in front of them and getting them to support them while looking for “a better deal.” If you kept pressuring him for a ring, he never would commit, and then later he dumped you, this could be a sign that you were his backup.
I can't speak for other men but I've never led women on in that way, but mind you I've also never been a prolific dater. My first serious relationship and I put a ring on her finger.
I like that you opted for self reflection, but I don't think you should be too hard on yourself, the guys you have been seeing sound particularly douchey.
Try mixing up your social circle comfort zone a bit - I promise you that 90% of guys that confidently approach you will be dickheads. Most men are sitting at the back worrying that they will look like complete twats and usually miss the moment.