I have contemplated the reality of the thought that while your body is physically here, mentally and emotionally…you’re not really here with me…and that…you would rather be somewhere else with someone you hold dear and close to. So, when you tell me that you’ve felt frustrated of me wasting my hours away, flicking my way through the phone all this time, watching what you think are random nonsense videos and short-attention span clips of random strangers and people with their silly little shit they do and have in life, I hope you realize the fact that…I am merely escaping it all, escaping that feeling of let down and abandonment from you, that I am merely entertaining myself, keeping myself sane, trying to get a few laughs and giggles and small motivations and happiness from other people’s silly little videos of their experiences in life. And frankly speaking, I wish instead of getting angry and wondering why I do that, I wish you try and find out why I do what I do…because…I have felt over time that you have willingly allowed yourself be beaten by your own demons and sensed that and I am only here to watch you self sabotage yourself and drown your own miseries and anger towards life and declare your frustrations to God by way of alcohol and cigarettes. No, you’re not really boring and bleak as what you claim to be. I have seen the fun and colorful side of you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you. No one is. Yes, you’re right. I may never know what it feels like after all the horrible things that you’ve gone through, but I hoped you saw me too, that you saw my efforts in trying to save you, that you allowed me in to share that pain if you can’t move past it. I feel it’s only fair to feel that way and my feelings are valid because I am not just a random stranger to you. I am someone you once promised to take care of and said the words, I love you to. So if you think that all that I have said are nonsense and you don’t consider me that important in your life anymore and feel that I am only an additional weight and burden to you, I hope that you would find it in your heart to let me find my own happiness and just let me go. That is…if I have the strength in me…to give up on you.