Let me start by telling the story of my good friend. For privacy reasons I would prefer to call her Jane. Now this Jane is a good and hardworking girl. She really loved her parents as well as her siblings and would never have thought there would be any problem amongst themselves at all.
One day she met a guy and fell in love. He was a regular guy with almost no problem but c'mon he's human so he would have a few. This guy James as I would prefer to call him loved Jane too. He was prepared to give her the world and she was prepared to do same for him too. All was perfect and great between them until it was time to take him home.
Now her parents are very religious something common with most parents in Nigeria so she thought there would be no problem after all the Bible says " Love your neighbor as you love yourself ". She believed her parents would love her guy or rather accept him based on this scriptural principle but how she was wrong.
She took her guy home and all hell broke loose.
After he left, her parents called on her and began a lecture of all time. They reminded her of how she has a bright future ahead of her, how she was going to do great things both for God and the world. They opened up the pages of her supernatural birth as if she was the next messiah. In conclusion, they began to tell of how the guy was unfit for her. In the words of her mum "he isn't your size". They told her how she is forbidden to marry from his place of origin and how marrying him will make her suffer because he is not wealthy. Her Mum finally chided her for considering a short man. I mean who does that? They told her they will never give their consent. Now if you are not an African parental consent will mean nothing to you.
In Africa especially in Nigeria, parental consent is the bedrock of a marriage. It sounds archaic but it's our culture and it has saved some from marital issues later in life and has caused some perpetual unhappiness due to marital failure and challenges depending on your luck as I like to believe. I would write a post on this consent thingy later if you so desire but for now let's get back to our story which I believe you are enjoying.
(checks time) So sorry it's time to run but please check back in a couple of hours for the conclusion. Let me know how you find my post.
Love y'all😊
It's time we move from that notion of seeking validation from family and relatives for what we truly believe in and want, for marriage the couples are the ones who will be in that marriage not the 'family', and unfortunately most wait for the slightest disagreement within the marriage to begin shouting 'i told you so'
I gave up on someone I loved because of listening to family, I should have stood my ground and stood by her, only to realise I made a mistake just because 'family' didn't want her.
Waiting for the consent thingy, steemOn!
The consent thingy is really frustrating especially when there is no reasonable basis for the refusal
I'm very familiar with what you speak about, even though I come from Canada. I've been in two long term relationships, one with an Iranian girl and the other with a Croatian girl. Both their families completely resented me for being a male, for not being of the right religion, and for other reasons I could probably never comprehend.
These relationship failed because they were much more easy to fail with me not having a connection to their family. A person can just drop you like a bag of rocks and never contact you again much more easily when you have no connection to their family.
There is only one circumstance I would ever be in a relationship again where my partners family is not in the picture, and that would be because my partner chose to cut them out of her life herself.
For the last 15 years of my life, I was never invited to Christmas dinner or any type of family function with my girlfriend. I had become so used to being disliked that I eventually became numb and accepting to it. Looking back however I feel incredibly foolish for not having a higher level of self respect.
I know you're not asking for advice, but I would say follow your heart. Don't try and balance two worlds, choose one. Abandon your own family if you have to, move forward in your life and create your own. True love can be destroyed through the attrition of family tensions. Remember above all else, you're the evolution of your parents, and that includes your style of thinking and rationalization. You have an innate responsibility to defy your parents, and to lead them down a modern path; you are the catalyst of evolution in the family.
Wow... Thanks a lot. You give me great hope.