At 18, I knew what a mental breakdown felt like. It wasn't a good feeling and I wanted to share it all with you and how I overcame it.
A mental breakdown is a period of intense emotional and psychological distress that can result in an individual being unable to function normally in their daily life. It is a state where a person feels overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil, often leading to a complete inability to cope with tasks and responsibilities.
I fell in love with this particular high school boy at 18, it was all sweet and cozy at first, and it was a good experience, I never wanted it to end. The type of attention I got was top-notch and I became the envy of everyone. But what I didn't know was that the higher I fell in love with him, the higher my heartburn would torment me. I wanted to spend every moment with him, I didn't want to miss any opportunity to create sweet and everlasting memories with him. It felt like a dream come true and I didn't need to look for a partner anymore.
This love-filled ship continued and I kept on enjoying every moment till something crazy happened. I suddenly stopped hearing from my all-sweet boyfriend, and I did not make it a big deal, I felt it was normal. This continued over time and I couldn't bear it anymore, it was like my world was silent when he was giving me the silent treatment. I reached out to my boyfriend and he didn't reply, I was confused because this had never happened before. I started thinking back to if I had done anything wrong to deserve the treatment I was getting, but I couldn't think of any. We were all good before things went down like this, so what could be the issue? I cried myself to sleep every day, sending him multiple texts and calling so many times. I even went ahead and wrote how hurt I was at the moment with the feeling he would come back and tell me what went wrong. I wanted us to work out so bad and I was ready to do anything for it to happen. Doing all that didn't work, he never cared about how I was feeling.
This kept on happening for a long time and one day I got a text message from him, without reading the content of the message. I was so happy that he finally remembered me, and I was ready to forgive him no matter any excuses he gave to me. My heart felt like it was burning down the moment I opened his text, what did he say to me? “I am done, girl, it has been a great moment with you”. Just like that!!! What was the message supposed to mean? I didn't want to believe that I understood the content of his text, because he couldn't be sending me such a message like that. I replied begging him never to leave me, that I couldn't leave without him. It was as if someone tightened my chest with a thread making it very difficult to breathe. My all-fun-filled relationship was just going to end this way? NO! I will do anything for him I said. I kept on trying and trying, at least to know the reason, I was ready to apologize for a lifetime if he wanted me to. I promised that I would never get angry at him, we could work anything out, and giving up on each other shouldn't be a solution.
After a series of trials, I realized that I had lost him without knowing why. The pain was unbearable, I was illogical and wasn't thinking straight, and everyone around me thought I was going crazy. The truth was that I was going crazy. I hardly got things done, I barely smiled anymore, and it felt like the world in general was spoiling, and we needed to pause it a little bit for some fresh air.
I stayed at home most of the day thinking back to our time together, hoping and praying that everything would be a prank or a lie. But sadly, it was all true, and It's a necessity to accept.
I was traumatized, I questioned and asked why I was in so much pain inside, and I thought one could only feel the physical pain. Then how should I cure the one I
am feeling right inside my chest? Is there a remedy for it? I went to so many hospitals telling them how much it hurt and that I needed drugs to reduce the pain, but they all looked at me with pitiful looks, and I wondered why they were giving me that look, do I look stupid to them? They should minister some drugs to me immediately, I am their patient. Or am I really stupid? And there is no cure or drugs for this type of pain? I had so many unanswered questions and I had to start sleeping a lot, that way I was able to run away from the world and the pain for a while.
This continued for years and I am happy to let you guys know that I am doing fine now, I was able to overcome it with the help of friends. Started hanging out with friends more, because I mostly spent my time with my boyfriend. I cried to them when I felt like I couldn't hold it in anymore, and they were the best and gave me support.
I engaged myself in writing because I started putting down what I feel every day into words. I am glad that I was able to share my story.
You all should remember this, healing takes time, and it is okay to permit yourself to feel and process your emotions. You deserve to be in a healthy and supportive relationship. Take things easy and be kind to yourself.