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The best advice I ever got didn’t come from my father or my mother or from any of my uncles or aunts. It didn’t come from some life-changing book or article I read. It came from my elder brother, which was surprising because at that time our relationship mainly involved staying out of each other’s way.
It was a few years ago. I was just a kid, 16 or 17 years old, and I was depressed. And for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why, or maybe I could and I just didn’t. And just like a lot of people going through depression, the people around me were clueless as to what was going on. I wasn’t moping about, sighing at intervals and wearing a sad face. I was still a bit cheerful when in public, I went about doing the things I normally do, but deep down I wasn’t happy and I felt stuck, even in the midst of friends, I felt alone.
It turns out that my brother noticed. He probably watched me and saw through my façade. He saw that even though I seemed cheerful on the outside, I wasn’t. And I wasn’t surprised that he noticed I was sad. I was surprised that he noticed why.
One day, seemingly out of the blue, he said to me “Onose (that’s my name), you’re carrying a bag. And whenever anyone throws their bullshit at you, you catch it and put in into the bag. Then you close the bag and keep carrying it. When another person throws something else at you, you catch it, put it inside the bag and keep carrying the bag. Now the bag is heavy and it’s weighing you down. Onose, drop the bag.”
I was shocked. At that point in my life, I and my brother barely talked, but he knew me well enough to see what was happening. I took his advice. It took me a while but I dropped the bag, and the liberation that came after was heartening. Now I live my life without a bag, without holding on to what life or people or situations throw at me.
Some of us hold on to several bags: personal, work, family etc. Some of us put numerous metaphorical bags into big metaphorical trucks and we try to lift those trucks. It’s not gonna work. So do yourself a favor, free yourself. Let go of the bag.
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