You know that whole "I was abducted by aliens" story? Yeah… not quite. Actually, I was adopted. By them. Yep, them. Some kinda shiny beings with giant eyes and a questionable taste in space décor (way too much neon and floating cushions). The difference between abduction and adoption, I found out, is that with adoption you get gifts and life advice - not a probe shoved somewhere unpleasant.
It all started on a Tuesday. I was heading home, kinda tired, and suddenly… ploft! A beam of light, a weird buzzing sound, and boom -I was inside a spaceship that smelled like cosmic lavender. Before I could freak out, a very friendly creature - something between an octopus and a personal stylist - offered me galaxy tea and said in the sweetest voice: "Congratulations, you've been chosen".
I thought, "Great. I’ve turned into a Pokémon". But nope. They explained they'd been watching me for years (a little creepy, I admit) and decided I was perfect to join their intergalactic family. They're super involved: they send telepathic messages like "eat properly," "drink water," "don’t get back with that ex." Kinda like cosmic moms.
Now and then, they pick me up for interdimensional dinners. I bring farofa, they serve grilled meteor. We chat about Earth, they laugh at our reality shows, and they think pineapple on pizza is a universal abomination. Can’t say I disagree.
The best part? Ever since I was adopted, I don’t feel so alone anymore. They send me signs when I’m unsure, blink a few stars here and there just to say: "We’re here. And yes, that decision you made was a great one".
Honestly? Being adopted by aliens is way better than therapy. And it comes with tea.