It's so difficult for me to talk, so i am writing again. It's has been a very tough day for me. I woke up this morning in my newly furnished apartment. An apartment that i designed to focus on Hive and Hive alone. An apartment that i planned to bring my mom over.
This designed on my wall made me so happy. Suddenly, I got the call. "Come home tomorrow" those were the words of my father. I had to call back because i had to confirm my fears. You know it has happened when a 56 year old man says something like that to his son with tears.
Now, I'm writing this in my mom's room. I haven't seen or heard her voice since i came back. Obviously i can't.
My house is crowded. I'm seeing people i haven't seen in more than a decade. I feel so upset and sad at this same time. My mom has been sick for years and many of this people hid. Now she's dead and everyone is here. Hypocrites!
In all sincerity, my mother was the bridge between myself and my father. She has always wanted me to love him despite everything he has done. Now i feel so much pity for him. Everyone is blaming him for my mom's death. Saying he could have done better. As for me, I feel the same guilt. I knew i should have done better.
But she promised she'd Fight!
That was my last conversation on WhatsApp with my mom..
I called her everytime and she assured me she would fight her illness. I guess it was stronger than her. My mom is a fighter, she taught me almost everything i know today. She made me see the world differently. She loved helping kids, Even when she wasn't strong financially, she still did her best.
Everything reminds me of her
It's only day 1 and everything seems to make me cry. At the airport today, checking in, They called mothers first. In the bus heading home, they played "mother's day songs throughout". Just everything reminds me of her. It all tortures me. I can't always help but shake in tears.
My mom would likely be buried on my 22nd birthday which is at the end of next month (the 28th).
It's funny how plans are already being made. I'm her only child and I'm expected to do alot of things. At the moment i really don't care. I'm angry and sad.
In a way, she had to go. She had suffered alot of pains. Problem is, how am i going to go through all this?
Thank God For Hive
I appreciate everyone on Hive that supports me. The love is massive. I'm happy i can freely share my plight here. Thanks for the rewards. It very much needed. I'm going to power down and probably borrow some liquid hive to help with the burial.
I read the comments and it helps me. Thank you everyone.
Thank you @epodcaster. I appreciate.
She did fight, she fulfilled her promises to you. but as you said, her pain is over now and she is at peace.
it's totally understandable for you to be angry and sad. allow all these feelings to flow and be drained
in time, little pieces of joy will begin shining through again.
and she will always be smiling down on you and loving you, and proud of All your accomplishments
so never stop making her proud ❤️
Thank you. I appreciate your words. I'd do my best. Thanks again
how are you today, my sweet friend?
sending love
I have been so busy and not interacting much these days but I wanted to pop in and say hi to a few people today. You came to mind and then I saw this news. That’s really hard, man! But we are lucky to have our good relationships so I think we can only focus on how blessed we are to be connected to beautiful people rather than focus on the pain of loss.
Just trying to drop some positive vibes your way.
I’m glad you have your own place now too. Please be well. I’m always around even if busy so always feel free to reach out.
Cry it out! There is no shame!
Thank you. I'm glad you stopped by.
Sigh 😔
No words would ever be enough.
I can’t comfort you because this was me a few months ago. I’m still learning how to live with the loss.
But someday, you will find a way to remember her and not cry. You will find a way to cry not from the pain but the joy that you were able to experience such a woman who was your mother.
You know I’ve got you.
I’m only one call and text away 💕💕💕
Thank you.
Ah... I know the feeling all to well. It's so sad and yet so very aggravating to think. Those type of people are the ones whom give truth to the saying:
Look buddy, I can't say that I know how you're feeling but I can say that I send my love and condolences to you and your family. Take care my friend.
Thank you.
No imagino que decirte para consolarte pero mi mamá dice que el amor se demuestra en vida, solo quiero decirte que le a Dios te abrace consuele y llene cualquier vacío
I can't imagine what to tell you to console you but my mom says that love is demonstrated in life, I just want to tell you that God will embrace you, comfort you and fill any emptiness.
Thank you.
Sam, your mother loved you and you loved her too, she fought but she needed peace.
Don't blame yourself, I did that for years after my father's death and it did a lot of damage, the time I could have been using to remember him, I spent it hating myself.
It is okay to be angry, sad, everything, let your emotions flow, and know that I am here if you ever need to talk, remember I told you that days back.
You will be fine, you will be fine.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
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You will be fine dear, its so sad... I saw your post and I felt like crying again but I won't... I have to be strong to comfort you in my own little way.
Its sad when people only come around after the death... Hypocrites indeed but don't mind that, just get better and make mama Prouder.
God be with you for us all ❤️
Thank you
My condolences to you and your family. She will be fine there and I hope you'll be strong and be filled with comfort. Take care.
Thank you.
Oh my God! Sam. I'm really and deeply sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you had to experience the loss of your mom. Please stay strong. The Lord is your strength. May her soul rest in perfect peace 😢💕
Thank you.
@samostically Please take heart. You loved your mum and she lived you till the very end. There's no way she would want you to put blames on yourself. Sending you loads of hugs Sam❤
I don't really get emotional, but I cried reading this post because it brought back memories of one of my uncles I really loved, I know it's nothing complied to you losing your mom.
But bro all I can say right now is that she is in a better place and would always be in your heart, stay strong for her and your family.😭😭😭😭😭😭
I'm sorry for you loss @samostically ... it's hard to lose someone you love even if you know it's coming. Be kind to you in the days and weeks ahead.
Hey @samostically I was wondering why I got tagged by Starstrings announcing the weekend's winners instead of you, so I had to check if you were alright.
Glad you are alright...and I'm sorry about your loss.. nothing I can say now would comfort you..but then your mom will always be with you. Don't blame yourself too much...
You'll be alright ❤️✅