Hey Steemfriends! I haven’t post anything in awhile but I thought I’d share my apologue. The reason for me sharing this is because I strongly feel that you should always be careful of the choices you make in life. It could change your life forever.
Please continue to read if you find my experience and my story heartwarming. I hope somewhere and someone would relate to my experience and how it impacted me today...
CHAPTER 1-
It breaks my heart. Knowing half my heart and soul is not part of my life today. My 5 year old son is not with me today. He is happy, alive, beautiful and smart boy ever. See below. This picture is him dressing up as a scientist for a school dress up day.
Nothing, absolutely nothing can compare to the amount of love and joyfulness you feel the moment you look into your child’s eyes for the first time. You aren’t ever ready for that feeling. It’s beyond this world. Giving life, makes you believe in God because it’s a miracle. My baby boy was a miracle. He was not brought to earth out of choice, but damn, god knows, I thank god every single day for blessing my life with such a beautiful gift. He’s my gift from god.
I was 15 when I gave birth to Matthew. I could not comprehend being pregnant at the age of 15, so I kept it a secret and was in a major indenial for the first 7 months of my pregnancy. It was not an easy operation to go through by myself especially because I kept it a secret for so long but through all the dark days, God was by my side and he listened to me when I spoke every single night. Crying my pillows wet and getting on my knees, God listened. I asked him to make it easy for me. In my 15 year old heart, mind and soul, I wanted this baby. I couldn’t stop thinking about howmuch I wanted this baby no matter how hard it would be. God was my only friend in the dark times and I will never forget that.
15 and pregnant, I continued school, as per normal. I was living with my mom at the time but she was hardly there. She travelled to her boyfriend a lot. Oddly, I don’t blame her. I am sure if she knew I was pregnant she wouldn’t have left me alone as much. I remember going days, sometimes a full week without seeing my mother and hustling for food with my big brother. My big brother was actually the first person to realize I was pregnant. He had a hard time accepting this and probably didn’t know how to feel when he saw he’s baby sister with a big tummy. (I couldn’t hide it anymore) (quite frankly, after 7 months, I couldn’t care less anymore who sees). He freaked out and called my friends to scold at them, told them it’s their fault. After that scene, he told my mom and dad. In a way, I’m glad. It made it easier for me to talk to them about it, because I knew I had to talk about it either way.
My father was the most supportive and caring man that day. He held my hands in he’s hands and told me it was going to be okay. He did not scold or cuss. He genuinely looked me in my eyes, with tears in he’s eyes and told me that it’s going to be okay. I knew God was right by my side then.
My mom was not there yet, she got a phone call while she was in Durban or Joburg. She could only come down a few days later. That was okay, gave me some time to breathe. I’m not sure if my mom has a funny way of showing she cares or if she just an defensive, bossy lady. She came into my room when she arrived from Durban or Joburg and didn’t say a word.. few minutes later, she asked me if “ it’s true”.. I remember because the silence made me nervous and I couldn’t say word. She screamed something and walked out the room. That was it. I went back to sleep. Did not hear from her the rest of the day.
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant, I was with my older cousin who took me to the doctor. The doctor congratulated me and I felt the whole world spinning. I was in shock and could not utter a word to my cousin nor the doctor. The doctor saw the terror on my face and told me to trust gods plan. It did not help me and I just wanted to run away, far far away.
Thank you for letting me share part of my story. This is only chapter 1. If you would me to continue to find out more how it ended up that Matthew is now adopted today. Please comment below. I’d like to hear your feedback.
Congratulations @leahdefreitasxxx! You received a personal award!
You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking
Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!