I am cheering you on for such good efforts from your end!!! I once read of this: no one can meet us in our pits. It's only when we climb ourselves out of it, then we will see people standing there for us. After all, when we are in our "pits", we can only hear our own voices and sometimes it's hard to exercise faith to believe we can change.
Kudos in your working out and pushing yourself out again. It's so hard but you can do the hard things, and you are already doing it @moderndayhippie! So inspiring!