There is no single commonly known category to describe me but if you're familiar with the work of Carla L. Reuckert, her book “A Wanderer's Handbook” probably comes the closest. I identify with writers like Kerouac, Thompson, and Wallace, musicians like Vedder, Keenan, Reznor and Dylan, comedians like Bill Hicks and George Carlin. In a country where most people don’t think much about life outside there immediate neighborhood or corporate campus, my world view takes the entire multi-verse into consideration. It's less of a pedestal I stand on and more of a deep dark lonely pit I’m regularly trying to claw my way out of only to be tossed back in by the Universe. Being the highly empathetic, emotionally charged individual that I am, the stress of such a massive world view and an undesired solitary life probably should have killed me but I’m stubborn and so I’ve learned to cope. Pot helps allot. ;)
I was born in a small farm town on the foothills of the New York Adirondack mountains, locally known as “the north country”. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness so between my parents religious fervor and the resulting financial ineptitude school SUCKED, and I learned to be self reliant right out of the gate. However I also gained a deep understanding of Hebrew and Christian theology, as well as the inner workings of cult life. As far as fitting in goes I was corn-holed from every direction, by race, religion and class and of course fitting in was what I wanted most. I also had no taste for rules and so not wanting to displease my parents either i became exceptionally skilled at keeping up appearances though i had a few slip ups here and there. My closest friend lived several towns away so i spent allot of my youth in books video games hiking, and music as well as writing and guitar as i got older and of course day dreaming and pining over whatever crush i had that year. From as far back as i can remember there was always some girl. Well the last decade or so has been a bit different in that respect. Anyway, as i grew older i realized i did not share my parents faith. My ability to lead a double life raised many questions as to the true abilities or even existence of god as i had been taught at the time as well as the many other glaring contradictions typical of organized religion.
I drifted off completely when at the age of 18 my parents decided to move to Ft Lauderdale and I went with them. I was all to eager to move after a traumatizing breakup with my first real love, thank you mom and dad for making me do that, I’m sure it meant the world to god. Regardless, city life in South Florida widened my horizons far beyond the scope of what my parents religion would allow and so over the next 4 years i just gradually stopped going to church as i established a career in the early days of the IT industry and made new friends outside of the church. Eventually i moved on my own to Michigan followed 5 months later by Denver and then Boulder, CO 4 years after that. Denver was the place to be for techies at the time (1997-2001) 2nd only to Silicon Valley, though my primary reason for moving there was it's proximity to quality snowboarding. The slopes were everything I thought they would be but I was also quite successful career wise, working and learning my way up to the titles of associate network engineer and systems administrator with barely a GED under my belt. Internal promotion and letters of recommendation were standard for me. Still I could not find love. Disillusionment ensued as to the nature of success, all aspects of the established order and existence in general.
I've always had a nose for the truth and an increasingly strong desire to actively seek it out as the years go by. Anyway between the titles of Engineer and Administrator i went through a very intense party phase. It lasted for several months, and was extremely fun, educational, and tragic, often all at the same time. I tried everything that crossed my path and my original programmed reality had its framework shredded repeatedly and intentionally by me. When I found it necessary to return to work my administrative job put me in the employ of political activism as I thought perhaps this was the answer to effecting the changes I already saw as necessary. Also during the transition from Denver to Boulder, as a direct result of the party phase and a relationship, i learned how to grow indoor Ganja. Many many, hobbies, fancies, habits, etc, etc.. have come and gone but the Ganja and the Guitar have always stuck with me, writing also. The activist world, well it fell short. I soon realized the futility of broke stoners protesting a well organized establishment with infinite resources. I quit to grow pot exclusively but as a matter of course, an absurd series of events led me to leaving the perfect town of Boulder (and it is perfect) for Los Angeles, CA where I immediately became a waiter followed by a wanna be actor meaning i attended an acting workshop which I LOVED and the occasional audition which terrified me. I had some fun, partied in the Hollywood Hills, learned to ride motorcycles, wrecked a motorcycle, met famous people and pretty much had what was left of my faith in humanity burned to the ground.
I sold most of my belongings, packed an insanely huge backpack, and moved out on to the streets of Venice beach. That's when the adventure truly began. I soon realized street life in LA was not what I was looking for. Within a few weeks I was looking for other options and I happened upon the story of Kinga and Chopin, 2 globe trotters who worked there way around and I was immediately inspired to head on foot for South America but before I left a chance wandering in to a Hare Krishna temple changed all that. At the time the Bhagavad Gita spoke to me, it explained the Universe in a way that made sense to me and it incorporated the existence of all religions. I showed up to the temple every day for a week to read it cover to cover before being adopted quite readily by the ashram devotees. I shaved my head, took Harinam initiation and a few months later i found myself in India. I stayed for two years (the initial plan was 3 months). I lived more then I had ever dreamed possible thanks to a guy named Kenny, some Norwegian Bikers known as the Shiva Riders, the Himalayan mountains and random Baba's with dark gooey treats, not to mention all the other tourists from all over the world. As if that was not enough, after 2 years, I went from there directly to Haifa Israel where I lived with my Druz girlfriend that I had fallen in love with while in India. Suffice to say the complexities of this relationship would surely make an interesting book. I had a weekend solo gig at one Pub that catered to Arabs and I worked as a line cook in another pub called Eli's that catered to Jews and I will say this; if you want to get an honest feel for the situation over there, spend 8 months around drunk Israeli’s from both sides. After nearly 3 years abroad I was tired and wanted to come home but really finding home became my new challenge among other things. While i was in Israel i got into watching documentaries ( https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7C950F92DB4E4D8C ) after downloading a copy of the first “loose change” by accident. It had been shrewdly mislabeled as the first batman movie. The one with Michael Keaton, who incidentally I waited on once while working in Pasadena. This film took me down the rabbit hole as it were and so began a very long process of understanding “the program”, deprogramming, finding a new program and installing that one. An ever ongoing process that has led me to a profoundly different understanding of the occult, the metaphysical world and the world in general, how it works, where it's been, where it could go. Since then I have adopted many esoteric teachings as a part of my daily life and I continue to study and work with this subject. Several more books worth of adventure under my belt, I’ve been incubating in the mountains of Northern California for the last few years.
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