Feeling a little lost.

in #music2 years ago

lost.jpg

Once again, I am faced with guilt for not posting here more regularly and I do apologise for this. There are two main reasons, reason 1, often my girlfriend's computer is set up in the evenings to watch our Netflix shows and my computer is often packed away - what I am using now is the work surface she uses as well. But secondly, I have felt lost. Disassociated. Dry. And I didn't want to post any old nonsense just for the sake of content, I believe infrequent good quality is better than daily splurging for appearances sake. I want each of my blog posts to mean something, so that I can truly reflect on them in time and also provide you with something worthy of your time to read with an opinion, or discussion point.

I have lost the joy of music slightly, and this has been tarnished by some factors that I cannot control. The DJ world is competitive, granted, however I have always believed that hard work gains reward and to an extent, this is true. 'If you put the work in, fruits of your labour will be reaped', they tell me. But what if I told you, you could be rewarded with little or no fruit gathered at all? What if i told you, you could overtake those who spend day and night on the craft, with just a simple transaction? All the glory for a few pounds?

Let me put one simple factor that often dictates success in the DJ world; the more followers you have on social media, the further you will go.

RULE NUMBERO UNO.

I have experienced at first hand, a member of a DJ community I belong to, buying followers and 'listens' on uploaded mixes to propel themselves to higher standing. It feels like gravel being poured in your soul, and my moral compass is spinning like a cyclone thinking, 'how can this respected DJ in my social circle, be so disingenuous?'.

For those DJs who work hard at building a brand, an identity, a name for themselves, who pull allnighters doing livestreams and gigging all over the UK, barely sleeping, sacrificing social life and personal life to in the pursuit of recognition of their talent; this is a cigarette stubbed out on your heart.

Consequently, I have stopped associating with this DJ. I refuse to acknowledge the status and subsequent awards. My peers have also noticed the dubious rise in this DJs listening statistics. How can someone with just a few hundred followers, gain listening statistics over 22,000? It doesn't make sense, well it does.

Now I may come across bitter, I am not. People may say, 'you're envious', but I will add that if these achievements have been gained organically, I would be the first to congratulate. A few of my peers over the years have gained world class DJ status and I have nothing but pride for them. But this was before the days of social media (where followers and listeners can be bought with financial transaction), rather than actual human connection. And its cheating.

I have had the same conversation with another DJ recently who has also experienced the same, but higher up the triangle. They are a world class DJ who deserves the recognition, but was beaten by someone who bought followers.

There is no point playing the game where the tangents to success can be falsely manipulated. This was meant to be a world where we share and explore what we love, with peers, real people.

I needed to write this blog to get this feeling out of my soul. To get the frustration and anger, and to help me resist calling them a 'maggot', infesting the industry. And people will tell me the music industry is NOT fair but as a human, who genuinely cares about the craft of DJing and working hard to gain rank and respect amongst the community, if there are ones prepared to cheat their way to the top, then what is the point of the journey? Its every DJs dream to play at bigger clubs, to perform after earning your right to be on that bill.

I ever did give up, I have no idea what I am going to do with my life, as music has been at the heart of it for as long as I can remember. My earliest memory is dancing at Butlin's to Rick Astley's 'Never Going To Give You Up' - Link below if you don't know it.

Rick Astley

I am disappointed in this DJ's action. And I will continue to be disappointed in anyone who 'fake it' to the top, because it will lose you friends and respect within the community, buying followers and listeners is as obvious as a nail in the eye. And quite frankly, if you do buy followers, you deserve a nail in the eye, because you're cheating SOMEONE ELSE out of a position they TRULY deserve and have worked hard to achieve.

I am sorry this blog is not more of a positive nature, not everything in this world has to be rose tinted and the sooner we stop showing our lives off as that, realism can take control. After all, heartbreaks hurt.

And I am heartbroken at the fracturing nature this 'business' which is meant to be a celebration and collection of talented minds, player, composers, singers, producers and DJs. The most bitter blow is that I have lost friendships to this 'business', and its a wretched feeling.

DISCLAIMER

A post like this can be met with backlash, its potentially harmful to reputation to serve up genuine heartfelt feelings and reaction which goes against the grain of 'everything is wonderful', because clearly it isn't. To have that position on life is mere delirium. And I am sorry if people haven't liked what I have posted, but I am just one man, insignificant in the world, these views are mine and my alone, I am not forcing them on anyone; just putting them on display so that they no longer fester in my soul.

(inside voice)
Hey... And how about just doing it for me? Forget the competition? And just do it because it makes you feel good?

I just don't think it does right now. I need to heal.

Thankyou x

Sort:  

First things first, Hive is a free platform where you can just let all those fucked up thoughts and emotions run loose. It's not all happy blogs around here and I appreciate finding genuine write-ups like this because it reminds me we are just human. Before I forget, check out the community Rant, Complain, Talk. You wouldn't feel guilty or something like that if you post another blog like this. 😉

You also reminded me of that time 10-15 years ago when going to clubs and listening to DJs was the coolest thing I've ever done during my teenage years. 😂 Damn, that was an awesome period where you just got to feel and vibe with the music and other people (yes, actual human connection!). Internet and social media weren't still a thing!

I still can't quite figure why there are still a lot of people who would rather just fake it to reach the top than make real connections. But yeah, everyone has different motives in life. Don't give up on music though. I know it always has been the creative people (artists and musicians) having a hard time making their passion as a source of income, so some resort to extreme measures making their works be known but sacrificing the real things that matter in life. But then again, it's their choice and their life. Great that you stuck with your principles and values.

Disassociating with the DJ was better than not doing anything at all and continue being miserable. So good for you!

Hi Indayclara!

Thankyou for reading my blog, it took me about 2 days before finally posting it as I was worried about the backlash but I am glad that I did, I felt an immediate weight being lifted off my shoulders; the saying it right... 'Better out than in'. The way I saw it is that I didn't 'name & shame' anyone so its perfectly ok to make a legitimate statement on the affairs of buying followers. This was a brave post to make as could've been misconstrued wrong but it is SO SO refreshing to receive comments from likeminded people, thankyou HIVE for being so wonderful and full of people with constructive thought; this post wouldve had be torn to shreds on facebook!

Since posting this, I've managed to shift the dark cloud over my head and am feeling a lot better. Had some face to face chats and some perspective was given.

Thankyou :)

James

Unless of course you accidentally step on a whales tail, then you are screwed LOL

I'm in two minds about buying followers and likes etc. It's not organic and at first appears scummy but perhaps we have to change our mindset and see it as just a modern form of promotion and advertising
It's a way for all forms of business to create traction and get eye on their product. Depends on the goal of course but advertising has been around in some forms forever.here on Hive we can promote posts of course to gain followers.

Don't be disheartened and don't worry what others are doing, enjoy the way you do things and keep going at something you love.

Take care and well done for using Hive to vent. This is what decentralised, censorship resistant social media is for!

Best wishes.

Thankyou for reading my blog nathan, really means a lot that people have taken the time and really given it some thought and helped me with my udnerstanding and thinking too. I still dont know why people who buy followers take the short cut to fame, it WILL bite them when they are booked for a big show and none of these 'followers' turn up because theyre not real. Short lived glory for instant dopamine I think.

But I wont be disheartened. As I mentioned in an earlier reply I took some time out to reflect on my state of mine and am feeling alot better with the support of you awesome people on HIVE and friends in real life over a cup of tea. We all have our dark days where we doubt our very fabric, but its a relief to come out the other side.

Stay safe

James - totally fine to share this kind of thing here - I think being honest and real trumps being positive beyond the point of genuine - especially so on hive.

Sorry to hear of your frustration with someone buying likes - I do totally understand where you are coming from. I think the thing that must sting the most is that it was someone you considered a friend.

Hopefully you can put it to one side and move on and this won't distract you from your own music/DJing - which are awesome!

I wish somehow likes weren't the metric people use and that there was something else that easily measured true quality. I don't have an answer to this sadly, but I think it's an important discussion.

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Hi mate, thankyou for reading my blog - it was a real relief to get these dark thoughts out of my soul and into the internet where likeminded and clever people can deconstruct and rationalise with me. Such a relief because a post like that would've had me torn apart on facebook, but thats why I took the risk and posted it. I needed to say something and expel the feelings of dismay; better out than in :)

Over the last few days, I took some time off to reflect and it really helped my mental health, I feel like the cloud has lifted and somewhat back to my old self, with some creativity. We all go through dark spells and my way of dealing with things is to be real, and write things down. Often rationalising things with yourself within prose can really sort perspectives out!

Thankyou, thankyou all for your wonderful support.

Take care mate.

No problem James - I really felt the passion in what you wrote. I could have easily written a lot more in my reply, but then I thought you had said all that needed to be said and I didn't want to side track it.

Really glad you are feeling a bit better - sometimes we need to go through some less great experiences to be able to come out the other side even stronger/more creative...

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