For 2 weeks now I have been feeling quite tired and overwhelmed. My body had enough of me pushing it to it's limits. That saying about burning the candle both ends, well that has been me the last few months. Only my candle seemed to have 6 ends and all of them were burning.
I finally hit a wall and had to surrender to my bodies needs. Enough is enough after all and I had to start to put myself first. I have been bloody well harping on about it for long enough, so it was about time I listen to my own voice.
I really want to break this pattern, to allow myself to intervene before it gets to this point where I am near exhaustion. There have been times when I could have reached out to those in my community to help, but oh no I am Super Woman after all, aren't I?
I mean I didn't spend all those years proving to myself that I am independent and tough, ready to take on anything, only to bale out when the going gets tough. Says the fiercely independent 20 year old inside of me.
I have always struggledwith this idea of being gentle with myself and I have spend the last 2 weeks looking at the reasons why I find it so hard to care for Me!
When you grow up in an environment Like I did, I am not talking about my time in nature here. But my home environment, it was a natural progression for me, that I would grow up feeling unworthy. I have always struggled with asking for help and with receiving help.
I had this great ability to push away anyone who reached out to me and I always gravitated towards those who would help me continue to feel unworthy. This is something that is really engrained in me, I know I am worthy, but there is this side of me that always tries to sabotage my own self care.
The guilt that rises when I try to take time for me, the million reasons that rush into my head, because there is always something more important to do and how could I ever let my own self preservation take precedence over the million other things that need to be done.
I really do try though, because as I have said before, I want my children to grow up seeing self care as a natural part of life, not something that is a chore.
So yesterday, I took time for me as a friend offered me some treatments to help me feel better. She gave me a back massage and she preformed cupping therapy on me. I have never had anything like cupping done before and I rarely get a massage, so this was quite the moment for me.
I think I will have to write another post on my cupping experience, so I won't give too much away, only to say that it really helped me. I realized that my sense of smell had been affected, something i was totally unaware of. I also had more energy, which meant I could go into town and get some supplies.
I walked home with my youngest on my back and I was not exhausted, which felt amazing. (yes this is me really trying to take it easy.)
But then one of my dogs get sick last night and I spend must of the night awake looking after him, he went walkabout for a bit and when he came back he was very stiff and lay down. A few hours later he couldn't get up and he was burning up. There are no vets here at the weekends, so I have treated him with homoeopathy and will take him to the vet tomorrow.
So after my lovely day, I had a very restless night and spend the day walking around as if I was in a dream. I had intended to write another post about permaculture, but found I couldn't focus enough. Damn it I probably should have taken the day off, but I'm tough I am, I can take on anything!
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Hope your dog is ok. I love to have treatments from friends when I'm in need of some self care too. Bowen Therapy and Reiki suit me best, as I find massage and other body work too much for my senses.
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Thank you I am waiting on Blood results now, I will know tomorrow xxx
Fingers crossed for good news x
Glad you had a taste of some good time for caring for yourself with a wonderful massage and cupping! And now that you have had a taste I hope it strengthens your resolve to do more self care!
Be well and happy! And I'm looking forward to more of your permaculture posts when you are over this hump and renewed and refreshed!
thank you @porters xxx
Oh Truckie, we can be our own worst enemy with self sabotage like that. Gotta be better at caring for ourselves like we care for others. Hope your dog is okay!!!! Xxxx And glad you got some massage to help you a little. Now slow down and put your feet up for a minute!!
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I know I really need to do that more, I am trying. much love to you xxx
oh goodness I can relate to this far too well - those protective walls are so annoyingly resilient when we decide we are ready to tear them down. We just have to keep chipping away at them and I am so happy you took that time for yourself.
I hope your dog is feeling better today.
hello beautiful, it is so good to hear from you and yes you know what I am talking about, sending you lots of love xxx
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