Enough With Your Booming Gerbils and Blunt Gerbils
Dear Bob,
I have always felt frustrated living near to you. You are the most spiffing neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your unsightly garden ornament.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your gerbils is too booming and your gerbils way too blunt. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a drumstick
I have to insist that you take action to stop your unsightly garden ornament from upsetting me. I demand that you sell the dog then give up drum playing.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud singing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Daffidol Meadow.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the council and post photos of your unsightly garden ornament on Reddit.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
wisecrack