Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws: 1) That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly. 2) If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.
The supposed quietude of a good man allures the ruffian; while on the other hand, arms like laws discourage and keep the invader and the plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property. The balance of power is the scale of peace. The same balance would be preserved were all the world destitute of arms, for all would be alike; but since some others them aside... Horrid mischief would ensue were one half the world deprived of the use of them; ... the weak will become the prey to the strong. - Thomas Paine, I Writings of Thomas Paine at 56 (1775).
They're an insidious bunch, your killer pianos. Had one get loose on me back in '62. It slipped out of the cables while we were lowering it out of its twelfth story apartment, and crushed six innocents in an insane bid for freedom.
We, the People are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts - not to overthrow the Constitution, but to overthrow men who pervert the Constitution. - A. Lincoln
It is in vain, Sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace! -- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the North will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that Gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!' - Patrick Henry (1736-1799) in his famous 'The War Inevitable' speech, March, 1775
Thoughts on Programming, Number 22: The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-stuff. -The Mythical Man-Month Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
The English nobleman came home early to find his wife with her lover. Angrily he reached for his shotgun and aimed at the interloper. Just then, his butler whispered in his ear, 'You're a sportsman, sir; get him on the rise.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --George Bernard Shaw--
Get a life!
Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies. --Honore' De Balzac--
It's real handy, havin' an Elder God in the band, eh?
Did you know the phone company uses the bone marrow of Third World babies to make microchips?
I'm afraid I'm going to have to operate. It's nothing to worry about, although it is EXTREMELY dangerous.
We're not laughing at you -- we're laughing near you.
Benchley's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
An historian is nothing more than an unsuccessful novelist. --H. L. Mencken--
He's a born-again Christian. The trouble is, he suffered brain damage during rebirth. --Anonymous--
Alley's Axiom: Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
If there is one basic element in our Constitution, it is civilian control of the military. --- President Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
Politics....Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --Ambrose Bierce--
Oh, I don't want a great bat flapping round my neck.
Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws: 1) That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly. 2) If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.
The supposed quietude of a good man allures the ruffian; while on the other hand, arms like laws discourage and keep the invader and the plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property. The balance of power is the scale of peace. The same balance would be preserved were all the world destitute of arms, for all would be alike; but since some others them aside... Horrid mischief would ensue were one half the world deprived of the use of them; ... the weak will become the prey to the strong. - Thomas Paine, I Writings of Thomas Paine at 56 (1775).
Abrams's Advice: When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
Billing's Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. --P. G. Wodehouse--
All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the the cleverness of the few. --Stendahl--
Human war has been the most successful of our cultural traditions. --Robert Ardrey--
You know, liquidity. Point-of-sale. Margin accounts. Fast lane.
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever. --George Orwell--
They're an insidious bunch, your killer pianos. Had one get loose on me back in '62. It slipped out of the cables while we were lowering it out of its twelfth story apartment, and crushed six innocents in an insane bid for freedom.
Bok's Law: If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance.
Oh thank God! I thought it was a twiching, lemon-sized brain tumor.
It's a dessert topping AND a floor wax!
Ah, monsieur. And how are we today?
Look! It's trying to think!
Logic is a tweeting bird, chirping in your ear. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad.
What a pinhead! Does he not fear us?!
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. --Oscar Wilde--
The part I think I'd like best is crushing people who get in my way.
We, the People are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts - not to overthrow the Constitution, but to overthrow men who pervert the Constitution. - A. Lincoln
Oh, great altar of passive entertainment, bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!
A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. --George Bernard Shaw--
Lafayette's Reprisal: The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? --Jules Feiffer--
It is in vain, Sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace! -- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the North will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that Gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!' - Patrick Henry (1736-1799) in his famous 'The War Inevitable' speech, March, 1775
Like all reputable surgeons, I charge by the pound...
Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
Thoughts on Programming, Number 22: The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-stuff. -The Mythical Man-Month Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
Now it's time to say goodbye. Please get off my property. Until next year! I suggest you don't dawdle -- the hounds will be released in 10 minutes.
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. --Anton Chekhov--
Have you ever seen a spleen that large?
Baxter's First Law: Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living.
The English nobleman came home early to find his wife with her lover. Angrily he reached for his shotgun and aimed at the interloper. Just then, his butler whispered in his ear, 'You're a sportsman, sir; get him on the rise.
My side of the woods abounds in natural scenic splendor. Your side wallows in decay and filth. My territory is infinitely superior to yours.
Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some sheep's testicles for a bet...God, that bloody sheep kicked him...