content warning: this article is about pornography and discusses some serious subject matter, but not for entertainment
introduction
i'm sure you're no stranger to the concepts of pornography and prostitution. in that case, you probably also know about the popular middle ground of camming - a livestream where a model, usually a woman, does things ranging from lewd to explicit, motivated by viewer tips. it's a huge industry. in this post, i might get a little too personal to explain what i think the appeal of this particular industry is, as well as some concerns about it.
the appeal
the easiest way to explain the appeal of camgirls is to look at what pornography and prostitution lack. pornography has distance and safety, but it lacks intimacy and interaction. prostitution - that is, properly paying an escort or similar for sexual favors - has intimacy and interaction but lacks distance and safety. you are, after all, in contact with a real human being rather than an image of one. camgirls occupy a comfortable middle ground where a viewer can set the terms. you can simply watch and enjoy the notion that it's live, engage with the chat - or even tip to steer the show or get private shows (some even choose to 'cam-to-cam' where they can see the model and the model can see them). for a price, users can get models' instagram, snapchat or whatsapp. this makes it the perfect outlet for lonely men who can't fill their needs with pornography, but don't want to make the leap to sleeping with a sex worker outright. it's no wonder that we saw an increase in camming and cam viewership when covid just got started (https://www.mdpi.com/2076-0760/12/2/62).
so, camming allows for more direct interaction than pornography, while letting the viewer decide the boundaries. if you want to be an anonymous username, paying a model to fulfill all your desires from afar, you can. if you want to show yourself, get in touch via whatsapp and get a simulation of a more "real" long distance relationship, you also can. so that's the appeal.
concerns
we often see discussions about how young women are pushed into onlyfans, and how this is sold as "empowering" by taking ownership of her body and sexuality. i think there's a conversation to be had about working in pornography in a broad sense, but i want to discuss some concerns with camming: exploitation.
now, some people claim that pornography is innately exploitative of women, but like so many claims that supposedly defend women, this suggests women don't have agency or personal responsibility. i have concerns about that line of thought, but it's a whole different kettle of fish. i'm talking about very tangible exploitation by specific parties.
if you see a camgirl from a wealthy western country with her own style and personality, it's generally going to be "low-risk." but if you've ever been on a camming website (ie chaturbate), you'll have seen that a huge amount of camgirls are from eastern european or south american countries - often sitting there stone-faced, touching their bodies languidly, sending a desperate "hi bb" or "hola amor" to any user that shows up to their 10-viewer room. now, being from a less wealthy country doesn't automatically mean she's being exploited, but many girls from these countries don't even have the equipment to stream. they won't really mention it unless it comes up, but most of them work for a "studio." this unnamed, unseen middleman provides these girls with the means to stream and takes a significant cut (though i've obviously never seen a contract, if there even is official paperwork for what they do).
so with that established, they're not women who have chosen to work for chaturbate as 'entrepreneurs,' they're in the employ of some company that has a lot of camgirls stream while they manage the accounts and collect the income. this definitely sets off some alarm bells for me. related point - i also wonder how easy it is to fudge "official" paperwork from countries like this. i'm almost afraid to raise the point because of how severe the implications would be, but sometimes a camgirl will have a stated age of say, 19. eventually - a few years later perhaps - her room gets banned or suffers in the algorithm, so she makes a new cam. and once again, her supposed age is 19, even though it's years later. sometimes youthful looking camgirls get banned and don't reappear as well. these websites are required by law to do their due diligence in checking if members are of the age of majority, but that's why i have concerns about how easy it is to fudge paperwork. It makes me wonder if what's happening here is just "white lies" where girls claim to be younger than they are to appeal to the "barely legal" crowd or if it's entirely possible underage streaming happens in these countries. i haven't done thorough research on this point, but it is a serious worry i have.
so, in short, many girls living under weak economies do their camming through a "studio" the viewer doesn't even know about. we don't know just how much control these "studios" wield and exactly what cut they take. between these studios and the potentially lenient application of law in these countries, i have serious concerns. in the end, though, it's all speculative. these studios could be perfectly reasonable (well, to the extent that a camgirl studio can be) and all the paperwork could be perfectly legit. for that reason, it's hard to really act on the concern. if anyone has their own thoughts on this subject, i'd love to hear.
me and camgirls
so what does all this have to do with me?
you've probably heard about male loneliness and how prevalent it is. well, i guess i'm one of the eponymous lonely males, but it's more complicated than that. a lot of the discussion around male loneliness centers around societal expectations, the shifting dating scene and so on. but most of my problems are internal. social anxiety led me to never push my relationship with girls and women beyond classmate, colleague or friend at best. i was scared that i would be labeled the creepy guy, and was terrified of rejection in general. so schools and jobs passed me by and there i was, well into my mid-twenties and approaching my thirties, jobless and having never felt the touch of a woman. i indulged in pornography pretty regularly, but it couldn't really fill the need i had for a woman in my life. so with no opportunities to meet women, chaturbate appeared. i don't even know how i first discovered it, but my dopamine-starved lonely brain latched onto it like a drug.
at first, i was able to keep my distance. yes, for a tenner, i could have some of the most gorgeous women i'd ever seen say my name and do things i only dreamed of seeing in reality. but it also felt so fleeting. the addiction only became fully locked in when i discovered private shows. for a set price per minute, i could spend time "alone" with one of these bombshells and have her do what i wanted - and then the recording would be saved into my account. i started collecting recordings of girls that appealed to various tastes, playing out various fantasies based on my fetishes. to date, i've gotten over 160 private shows. it's weird to put a number to it, but i guess it goes to show how strongly it appeals to me.
i went through my backlog and noticed that my most intense useage of chaturbate was in the first year - after that it steadily dipped, but this year, i've had a spike in usage again, getting well over 20 private shows. maybe this sudden spike is why i felt the need to examine this subject from multiple angles - because i don't really know why i've had such a resurgence. there are a lot of potential factors in my private life (stress, meds, etc), but i don't think those are worth getting into within the scope of this article.
aside from the purely sexual need, this habit also answers a social need. i lack the know-how to explain the psychological implications, but i particularly want to feel needed and heard. this is probably innate to the human condition, but for me, this need feels consistently unanswered. now, a camgirl - especially one with low tips and viewership - will leap on the opportunity to talk to me if i join her room. i know it's all because she's trying to make a living, but it still feels good on a very instinctive level, artificial as it is. i can talk to her, tell her about my fantasies, ask her the sorts of things a guy wants to ask a girl but can't (because you'd get reported to HR) and there's a mutual understanding that it's okay - i'm a customer, after all. at the same time, it is a source of some anxiety due to the aforementioned potential exploitation. if she "needs" me because i'm a useful source of income, that's all good. but if she "needs" me because the studio demands it of her, that's concerning.
in closing
so what is camming to me? it's a safe place where i can let my fantasies become real without any real risk, where i can feel heard and understood in ways my real life doesn't offer. it probably sounds depressing to those of you who have healthy relationships, but that's the bottom line.
i'd like to say things have gotten better for me, and in some ways, they have. i have steady work, steady finances, a house and i'm working on plenty of things. but the missing element is, as always, a soulmate. perhaps once i find her, camming will just instantly and completely disappear from my life like an immature fantasy. but until that time comes, it fills a need that i can't fulfill any other way, in spite of my concerns about it.
if you got this far, thanks for taking the time to read this. if you have any thoughts to share on this topic, please do.
