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RE: Steemit Open Mic Songwriter's Challenge Week 4 - Original Song "Because We Can"

in #openmic8 years ago

Yeah, man... this is a good one @jaybird! One small lyrical suggestion I thought might help in avoiding a repeating word in the lines:

"Sun comes up and we rise again
To do it all over again"

Might be modified to:

"Sun comes up so we rise and then
We do it all over again"

It might work... That was great though, brother... I loved it!

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Excellent suggestion. That part did bother me a little, just never got around to making the version where i’d probably have fixed it , among other things lol

It’s funny bc i was looking for a different word when i initally noticed the reduntancy and never came up with “then” as an opt, just a bunch of worse lines haha. Thx broth P !