I'm so sad you experienced this, so glad you ended it, and am horrified at how MANY women I've known in this situation--empaths, always, thoughtful and concerned about how others feel. The manipulator cares about nobody else's feelings. There must be men who are victims of women manipulators. I don't know the statistics, but as with rape, it seems women are most often the ones being exploited, used, abused.
We tend to ignore, overlook, or excuse so many little telling details early on. We don't want to judge; we don't want to seem demanding or critical; we take the blame, we make the compromises, we fall for the ploys for sympathy. My husband has been great, but in other relationships I've been emotionally sabotaged, over and over again. It isn't just in a romance. It can be the boss, co-worker, professor, so-called friend who guilt-trips and manipulates. This book:
If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse by Avery Neal explains it better than I do:
Even here at Steemit, in Discord groups, I've encountered the guilt-trippers and manipulators. And I never fail to believe I am at fault, at least to some extent. Thank God for my husband. He keeps reminding me to consider the source...
And thank God you walked away, though it "took 18 separations, one assault charge and five protection orders"--my heart breaks for all the women and children suffering needlessly due to some messed up guy's ego. Bless you!
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@carolkean you are such a beautiful person and I thank you for this comment. Knowledge is power and God pulled me to Himself and slowly taught me what love is supposed to do. It was slow going and I wanted to make that marriage work. Becoming a single mom and breadwinner was never my dream but became my destiny for those long years. That was my only controlling relationship, but it kept me cautious until Jeff. Respect and true kindness are required for a real match or friendship. I dated men who smelled of control and exited the relationship the moment they tried to control any aspect of my life. A partner like yours is worth the wait.
My patience began to wear out early on but I forgave too many times things that are not forgivable thus perpetuating the cycle and causing me to lose myself for a long time. My accomplishments once I left with jobs and a getting a bachelor's gave me confidence in my choices and a commitment to remain true to myself and children paid off. Hugs!
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Aw, thank YOU for the kind comments, @wandrnrose7. And thank you for sharing personal wisdom like this: I forgave too many times things that are not forgivable thus perpetuating the cycle and causing me to lose myself for a long time. Keep telling your story--you never who will heed your words and finally make the changes you had to make, difficult as they are. Hugs to you too!