There is a lot to think about when you’re a new dad. As you adjust to fatherhood, you need to look after your baby, yourself and your relationship. Getting hands-on experience is the best way of building your skills and your confidence. You just need to get in and give it a go.
It can be a very lonely place some men find themselves in when a new baby comes along. All of a sudden you no longer are a priority at all and everything the mother has goes to the needs and attention of the new baby, and rightly so.
When my first child came along, like a lot of parents, I read books and aimed to prepare myself, yet many, many men I speak to in various walks of life, all struggled with some, most and all of the points I have listed below. It got me thinking, it doesn't have to be this way, and this is my first step to trying to make a difference to new and potentially new dad's out there.
I have learnt that life needs to be lived with an outlook of seeing opportunity to grow personally and develop yourself. I do help people for a living, but that aside, I have made mistakes in life, and parenting, but also had huge wins in life and parenting by my outlook and willingness to work on myself. This has helped me in enormous ways become successful and abundant in life, not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually. And becoming a father and role change as a husband can deepen that, instead of grind it down.
There is no need to feel weird and anxious about the change, but then there are certain things I believe you need to work on to really thrive through the process of becoming a new dad.
I am going to separate articles into the below areas:
- Getting involved with your newborn
- Looking after your relationship
- Understanding your changing sexual relationship
- Parenting as a team
- Working out new roles
You might feel overwhelmed at first, but even brand-new dads come fully equipped for fatherhood. Fathers are just as good as mothers at recognising and responding to the needs of their newborns. They’re also just as able to care for older children.
In fact, when you care for your child, you are doing so in ways only a dad can. For instance, you probably parent in a different way from your partner. Adapting to these different parenting styles helps your baby learn social skills and this is very important.
Here are some tips on getting involved with your baby.
Try your hand at everything
Dressing, settling, playing, bathing and nappy changing – these are all great ways to bond with your baby. Parenting skills are partly a matter of practice – you get better and more confident the more hands-on experience you get.
Keep at it
Resist the urge to hand your baby back to mum when things get demanding. One-on-one time will build your confidence and skills. I had to work hard at this but taking ownership is huge and is attractive to your wife.
Go solo sometimes
Spend time one-on-one with your baby. This is really important to developing a strong and lasting bond. It’s also good for your partner, who’ll get a much-needed break, which is vital for the health of everybody :)
Show your affection
When you show your baby affection and respond to baby’s cues, a natural chemical called a neuropeptide and specifically oxytocin is released in your baby’s brain. This chemical plays a key role in emotions. As well as making baby feel good, it builds connections between nerve cells, stimulating brain development.
You can also imitate your baby’s facial expressions – frowns, tongue-poking, sounds and smiles. All this helps the connection and communication between you and your baby. All sounds like logic but many dad's don't connect this way.
Have a chat
While you’re caring for your baby, try talking to baby about what you’re doing. For example, ‘Let’s get dressed now – on goes your top’. Using a warm, sing-song voice (called ‘parentese’) helps your newborn feel content and protected.
Talk is like brain food for babies. It helps them build language and communication skills – from the earliest age. Babies don’t have to understand words to benefit from talking.
Make time for play
Your baby might be young, but you can play plenty of games together:
Placing babies flat on their stomach to play (tummy time) helps muscle and brain development. If your baby doesn’t like it, just try it for a short time.
Different sounds, sights and sensations will help your baby build skills in different areas. Try toys with interesting textures or varying sounds.
Words, rhymes and stories build language and memory skills. Start with some old favourites like ‘Twinkle, Twinkle’ and ‘Old Macdonald’.
A game of peek-a-boo builds your baby’s skill at communicating and expressing emotions.
All this creates ownership as a father, builds confidence in your wife you can support her (huge for the relationship) and gives you simple ways of knowing you are making a difference in your new babies life and as a team, with your wife, are going to ideally grow closer in the process, rather than apart, which I see and hear more than I like.
More coming soon......
Any advice for people who becomes first time dads at older ages, like the 40s and 50s? I'm not one yet, but just in case.
Lol yes Neal I do so stay tuned......just in case :)
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