I mean, your grammar is way off, but the substance is human and relatable. I've recently felt similar. The moment where I stopped running, or "put on the veil" was for me choosing to believe in God. I agree that we have to conquer our fears and face them with idiotic bravery at times. The world cannot and shouldn't always be rationalized. Accepting the ambiguity, is the first step, and then creating your own meaning and method of interpreting the world is the only way to face the ferocity of the universe.
thanks i think stopping running was removing the veils really like thats when i started to really go into it apparently its what psychologists call disassociation yet half of them wouldn't even know what that is except from a textbook or what comes out from it which is pure bliss. Creating a meaning is definitely where i am at the moment or where im not hahah