There is probably no simple way to put this. In the end, once the trick is revealed, there is no more magic. I know I probably shouldn't blow the cover, but I'm curious as to what will happened after my perspective changes. Still, I'm not completely sure about how real this is. Maybe I can't tell truth from lies anymore.
Inside, I think I'm unhappy as a human. As I've tried to explain before, we're all pushed to find happiness, or at least dampen the unhappiness. Outside from the context of intellectuality and thought, I am cursed by demons of present and past days. Those who meet me seem to like me, until they spend more time knowing me. There is a point after which I can't put up a friendly or normal personality.
But I don't think I'm unhappy as a living being. I do what I do. More importantly, I've found a way to justify my defects and turn them into a virtue in terms of Nature. Negative genetic traits, psychiatric problems, physical defects, and a sad childhood turned into something that is productive for life. My happiness lies in knowing that those problems will die with me, and as long as I live in isolation, I can still contribute to the greater good without spoiling someone's life.
In some way, I changed my definition of what happiness is meant to be in order to be happy. I found peace in isolation and self-deprecation. For a long time now I've debated with myself, friends, and strangers, and only once I push the topic enough, people admit some of us are meant to end up alone.
And yet again, I can't bring myself to reveal the real trick.
Sad story...
It certainly can sound sad, but I wouldn't describe it that way. Maybe it would be sad if I hadn't changed my perspective. I'm happy being secluded.
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