It's been a while since I've written poetry, but my @poet wrote me a poem, so I couldn't help myself. Hebrew translation added thanks to @yairdd .
The scent of you awakens me
Like the soft light of the morning
Your presence strokes me like warm water
Your touch engulfs me
Like a song of endless longing
To take my form
I must first melt with you
Set myself free of darkness' bindings
I must let go of the night before
To breathe the day
With you beside me
----
Hebrew:
הריח שלך מעיר אותי
כמו אור הזריחה
הנוכחות שלך שוטפת אותי
כמו מים חמימים
המגע שלך עוטף אותי
כמו שיר געגועים
לעטות את צורתי
עלי לימס תחילה איתך
להשתחרר מחבלי החשיכה
לפרוק את ליל אמש
לנשום את היום
לצדך
I love both versions. Thank you <3
It's about coffee isn't it? lol
I just nearly spewed some from my nose due to your comment. I love it. Thank you. <3
Thank you for sharing this lovely heartwarming poem about waking up and love. I much prefered and enjoyed the first stanza because of the specific and relatable images i identified with.
The language here is so dense and rich with concrete imagery:
Each line builds and borrows from each portion of the one before and after it.
The scent of the lover (or coffee :) ) touches the speaker's nose like morning light against your eyelids. Beautiful image! Wow I feel like I can taste, smell, and feel the image struggling against sleep with the first flittering eye lashes.
"presence strokes [...] like warm water." I think of a spa, or a bath, or a hot tub, or a hot ocean. Great image!
Then, the next line builds and develops on the "presence "like warm water" with the line "your touch engulfs me" like water engulfs someone submerging. I can feel the person approaching my bed. How the warm palm on my shoulder feels like courses around my skin everywhere sending rippling pleasure and stretch into the pillows.
My only suggestion would be to change the line, "and endless song of longing." Maybe remove "of longing," and produce an image you want to convey the same idea. I like "an endless song." Maybe that your body sings? cells? smile so long your cheeks cease hurting. I don't know.
Lovely poem, and if I could read Hebrew I'm sure I would appreciate it too :) Well done!
Awwww so sweet !!!
And you look SO cute !!!! :D
Lots of hugs you guys!!!! [love the Hebrew translation by the way! :D ]
Very good poetry ... what inspired this ?
@poet
He comes over to wake me every morning, even with a broken rib. He wrote me a poem last night, so this poem wrote itself in reply.
Hmmm that sounds romantic !!!
How does it sound in Hebrew? Translate it :)
חתיכת אתגר על הבוקר!
הריח שלך מעיר אותי
כמו אור הזריחה
הנוכחות שלך שוטפת אותי
כמו מים חמימים
המגע שלך עוטף אותי
כמו שיר געגועים
לעטות את צורתי
עלי לימס תחילה איתך
להשתחרר מחבלי החשיכה
לפרוק את ליל אמש
לנשום את היום
לצדך
Yes, yes, let the poetic dialogue flow!
שיר יפה.
nice dear
wow you are very beautiful today.
I am so amazed you
I am happy to be friends with you in steemet,
Warm regards..
By @ Kani77
It was awesome. Waiting for the next one. Thanks.
You look very sexy today.
and have a nice day
I like your post
Wonderful, you know what its my first time that I see you, you are beautiful 😍😘
Dope poem there, I think I would start writing poems
Go for it! Happy to inspire!
Here it is
https://steemit.com/poetry/@izzrael/poem-the-life-we-live-inspired-by-techslut
Thanks a lot for inspiration
Great poetry my friend.... and romantic too... :) and awesome picture. You are really very beautiful.. Your life partner is a really lucky person to have you besides him/her...
Which one of them? :)
Well if you have a BF, he is a lucky guy... If you have a GF, she is really a lucky gal.. According to your preferences.. :) .. and if you are bi both are lucky... :D
I have 3. @poet , @mrlightning and the prettiest girl in the world, whom I am still trying to drag onto steemit.
They all are lucky :) ... My badluck, I am not in this list..
Such a sensual and delicate work. It is very strong! Thank you for sharing.
I blush with your poems
poems that touch the heart
in the heat of the sunshine you blow the cool, unchanged air
you are like a night with a full moon, which illuminates the whole universe.
This piece of poetry from me for you @techslut. sorry if you are not impressed
This is lovely, I'm learning a lot from your writing, didn't know that you could write in Hebrew.
Seems you're Hebrew??
Lest I forget, good morning and have a great day with your coffee 😀😀
Yes, I write in Hebrew and English, and also read and speak Russian.
nice good morning pic and beautyful face :)
wow really amazing .. poem i loved it
Wow... can i make some song of this poem ?
I don't know. Can you?
Yep , I will do that tomorrow.
Resteemed
Nice one... Scenarios deserves...
Beautiful way to start my day! Along with the above mentioned coffee - of course :)
Sweet words
blown away by this
Lovely!
good post!! I invite you to comment and vote in my post, I follow you follow me too
https://steemit.com/openmic/@misc.jocs/sin-ti-rawayana-cover-drum
So cute :)
Nice poem. its full with emotions...