Matthew 19:5 “And said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh (KJV)
And because of this, a man shall leaves father and mother and shall be united firmly (Joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (AMP)
And said; for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become a flesh (NIV).
Now read those versions again, it shows the clear meaning of cleaving. A man leaving his parents to join, united firmly, joined inseparably, firmly bonded to his wife. In the previous chapter, I showed you that no man is complete without a woman, God intentionally created this in particular way. For a man to function at his peak, this condition of a man leaving his family members to create his family is very important and to reach the goal of becoming one.
What does a man leaving his father and mother means? It means leaving their ideologies behind, leaving them in terms of everything so that he can stand on his own. His parents no longer control him, but they can advise him, the man can now make decisions on his own, he can stand spiritually, mentally, and physically in terms of finance and other things.
A man is a leader. So before he can leave his father and mother he must be able to stand on his own in everything in life. Remember God trusted Adam with the garden, he do have communion with God before God entrusted him with Eve. And God said when a man reaches that stage of maturity then he can leave his father and mother and “cleave” which means united and joined to his wife, joined in every aspect of life, joined spiritually, mentally, physically, inseparable.
The act of joining is very important and joining is a process. The act of joining starts from courtship, you joined your ideologies, your purpose and vision, you join them together to become one. Communication is very important in every relationship and marriage, this is one of the ways joining can be achieved.
The act of communication is the act of listening. Another way to achieve cleaving is by prayer. Couple that prays together stays together. The goal of cleaving is to become one. What are the other ways of cleaving?
Let’s check from the scripture one perfect example of leaving. RUTH.
Ruth 1 verse 14-17
Then they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother- in-law, but Ruth clung to her. And she said, "See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law." But Ruth said, "Entreat me not to leave you or to return from following you; for where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God; where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if even death parts me from you?
If you study the book of Ruth from the first chapter, you will understand how the husband of Ruth died and she was left with the choice either to follow her path or to her mother-in-law, from verse 14, we can see how cleaving supposed to be. Check the scripture above. Here we can see the peaceful story of Ruth is set in the violent times of the book of judges.
Ruth; a Moabite woman is married to an Israelite. When he dies Ruth shows uncommon loyalty to her Israelite mother-in-law and deep devotion to the God of Israel. In the end she finds a new husband among her former husband’s relatives and through marriage becomes the great-grandmother of David, Israel’s greatest king. Ruth shows the greatest example of cleaving through the way she clave to her mother- in-law, what then is cleaving from how Ruth related to her mother-in-law, from verse
16, Ruth said intreat me not leave thee or to return from following after thee, this is the way a man should cleave to his woman and vice versa.
The mystery of joining is intreat me not to leave thee. We are to enjoy heaven on earth marriage even before we get to heaven. We as believers supposed to enjoy heaven here on earth. Everyone should know the mystery of intreat me not to leave thee and following after thee. In the journey of marriage, there is no going back because God hates divorce.
Whatever God has joined let no man put asunder. Matthew 19:6. Let’s move further she said. “For wither thou goes, I will go” moving in the same direction with your partner. There can’t be unity if you are moving towards north and your partner moving south. Attend the same denomination; attend the same seminar, read the same book, think and study together, this brings unity. Wherever your partner goes, go in the same way, “and where thou lodgest, I will lodge” this means where you live, I’ll live.
This is one of the most important parts of marriage, living together means communicating together, robbing minds together, dwelling together, you are following the same way, and you are in the same place at the right time.
Bring your ideologies together and live in the same direction. Let your partner’s purpose be your purpose. “...thy people shall be my people” in the mystery of cleaving, you and your partner are not only involved, you came from different families and you both have different family people, you cleave better when your partner’s people becomes your people and vice versa with your partner.
Many people in marriage has problem relating with their in-law, in fact some people fantasize their family people more than their partner. If you want to cleave better, then you must see your partner’s people as your people. Take them as one with your family. Don’t use the word “my family” but “our family”. Ruth said “your people are my people” see this as essential thing to work towards even starting from courtship stop using “my mother” “my father” but “our father and mother” and you will surely experience more unity in your marriage when you understand the
foundation that Ruth has already made. Lastly “and your God my God” It is important both of you serve the same God, you call upon the same God.
You have the same knowledge of God, if you are from different denomination; it is important two of you come together and meet at a point. Different denominations teach different doctrines, so if the same doctrine from your church is different from your partners, then it is very important you agree on those things before wedding. Make sure you serve the same God. Agree on the principles of God, Follow the same man of God, study bible together, have same knowledge and the cleaving will happen naturally.
Let’s check the last verse in message version.
Where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God- not even death itself is going to come between us. This is so powerful, not even death can break that union, and this is the apex of becoming one. Jesus in Matthew 19:5, “And said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh (KJV), In another version, two shall become one flesh and this last statement of Ruth... not even death itself is going to come in between us, it fulfilled the words of Jesus in Matthew 19:6, So they are no longer two, but one flesh, what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder (separate).
Ruth said not even death itself is going to come between us! Dear readers, what is coming in between your relationship? Finance? Friends? Children? Religion? Convictions? Let nothing come in between you two. Sometimes Advice from various sources can come in between couples, Jesus said let no man put asunder (separate). You are no longer two but one flesh.
The apex of marriage is when you cleave with your partner to become one. You become one spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. Becoming one is a process and everyone should not know that there is a role play, having sweet marriage and relationship is very intentionfirst start from your mindset. I saw the patterns in my family and I made up my mind to change the circle. I made up my mind to become one with my wife and no one not even death can come between us! Today, you must make a conscious decision to have a happy marriage and relationship. Make up your mind like Ruth and desire sincere change indeed, let your partner read this with you and desire to work towards becoming one making Christ the center of your relationship and marriage.
Excepts from the book : BECOMING ONE BY JOSEPH OLOWOOKERE