successful investors are those who diversify
Your husband is a smart man. That's why I have diversified my feelings as well. In my opinion, no single person could ever satisfy every last piece of your personality - so one has to look for several persons instead.
I don't think passionate love is something one should always aim for, since it's often accompanied by dumb stuff like jealousy and control. The goal should be able to love without having the need to exlude other people or to tell a significant other what he's supposed to do. It's not a competition. Not at all.
If a person I care for decides I'm worthy to spend time with - that's amazing. But if that person wants to spend time with someone else - I'm happy for that person, since she is feeling good as well. Feeling miserable about other people's life choices just because they don't necessarily include yourself, is a childish and self-centered behaviour I deem highly toxic to your own and others mental well-being. We are not entitled to someone elses attention. We don't own other people. Or to put it simple:
This is absolutely correct Ego :) Although, I'd like to propose other alternatives to 'resorting to several persons' in order to achieve this 😊
I am addressing the latter part of this sentence. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Imagine how many communication problems would be prevented if we didn't need to tell our other half what to do, or be told the same thing in return. Except that, no one has a direct line to our minds, emotions, feelings. Just expecting people to know what they need to do, especially in relation to us, is a road to frustration.
I entirely agree with the whole idea you shared on your second paragraph Ego. It is our responsibility to ourselves to understand that other people will not always meet our expectations. But for a relationship to work and be healthy there must be mutual compromising. And for those who are not willing to do so, well ... there are many other alternatives in life that can bring people a sense of belonging, companionship and also passion :)
Oh ... by the way, I had to show these images you shared here to my husband; who, of course, found hilarious :P But, I'd like to say that even though I am in a relationship I don't look like Gollum 😛
Take Care Ego,
Much love to you :*
Hm. I think, I disagree.
This is evident, of course. But this is neither an argument for or against my/your case.
This largely depends on how you define the phrase
build a life together. For most people this may include marriage, children and living together. Since I detest children, think of marriage as an outdated and pointless ritual and enjoy living with people I usually don't see or speak to - none of the mentioned things holds any value to me.Hence, for me this term is quite irrelevant. I don't aim to build a life with anybody but me. I need to figure out how to build my own life, before I could even dream of doing this whole thing with someone else.
The thing is: I don't really enjoy being around other people all the time - which will be difficult, if you life with somebody you care for. But I do enjoy just being alone and doing my own stuff. I want to do things on my own terms and not because somebody asks me to or I feel the obligation to do them, because otherwise the other person would feel miserable. I don't want that. This is why I don't like compromises. It's a lose-lose situation. Why should I do things which make me feel bad?
For example:
You live with a partner together and your partner really enjoys to go out and do stuff outside. But you are the exact opposite - you hate outside activities, find them usually dull and boring, not even mentioning the people you will probably have to deal with. Even if you go outside to make your partner happy - you don't really enjoy that. It's kinda ok, because you do it to make someone else to feel good, but it's not something you feel good about yourself. And your partner knows that. This is dumb situation and nobody wins, but eventually feels bad about.
So, how to solve this? Easy. Don't expect others to share all of your interests and look for more people who share various kinds of interests you have. Your partner enjoys going outside? Great! He should do it with someone who enjoys it as well then. Problem solved. This way, everybody wins. You can stay inside and enjoy being alone and your partner can still be outside and have fun with other people.
Obviously, I like to spend time with people I share certain interests with, but if some of our interests don't align very well, it's alright. They don't have to. It's ok to do things independently and/or with other people who share the same desires.
Again. I disagree. I never said anything about such an expectation. Not a single word. Because it's utter nonsense and you just made it clear yourself. I said, we should not tell others what to do - not expect them to know what to do. That's a huge difference.
And regarding the picture...it's more about how people look inside during that time ;)
Ahahahah Ego, the day you tell me you agree with me I might throw a party! 😉
Plus, we both know that particularly regarding this topic (monogamy + long-term relationships) we hold different views. And I would like to remind you here that I am not trying to convince you that my perspective is the absolute right one. Although, it is indeed the right one for me 😊
And you are absolutely correct when you point out what building a life together means for most people. Personally, for me that dind’t include having children (I don’t detest them, but never wanted them either), or getting married in a church and all that palaver (not my thing). But, despite all our personal differences, I thoroughly enjoy living together with my husband :) I suppose this is because we are both willing to compromise, to negotiate. We are getting better at it with time, as well. Otherwise it would not work.
While I sometimes feel I am on the loosing side, sometimes I also feel I am on the winning one. Without, of course, seeing the whole process as a competition. Because it isn’t. It is about finding a balance where harmony and respect are always more present than resentment. So then, throughout the years, we feel more often like the guy leaning back on his lazy chair on the beach, than like Gollum 😅
I trust you are taking good care of yourself Ego :)
Lots of love to you always and forever 😘
ps: My husband also sends his regards!
I guess, the party will have to wait a bit :)
😘