I've found that in order to live a happy and fulfilling life you need to define your personal values. Your 'WHY'. Once you've done this you can base your behaviours and decision making upon them, ensuring that you're being true to yourself and thus living the life you desire.
For me, this meant sitting down and examining my own self. What do I value? What makes me happy? And what are the behaviours and decisions I can make in my life which will drive me forward to realise these values and live them every day? For me this came easy but for others it may be difficult. I am a person who has an extremely strong set of values, which is probably why when I'm not living consistently within those values I get so down on myself. It's also probably why I get so pissed off when somebody isn't acting in a way which is consistent with my own values. To be truly happy I need to find my 'true north' and continue trekking my path towards it.
So, what are my values? They can fit into four areas:
**1. Work / education
- Leisure
- Personal growth / health
- Relationships**
In order to figure out what was most important to me I sat down with a list of the most common values. Alongside each one I marked a V (very important), Q (quite important) or N (not so important). Once I'd done that I picked out my top 6 'VERY IMPORTANT' values and wrote them down. By doing so I'm able to refer to them when I feel like I'm deviating from my 'true north'.
So, my top 6 are ;
1. Love
For me this means love for my family and friends. I want to be the best husband, father, son, brother and friend I can be to the most important people in my life. If this means doing things that are uncomfortable or challenging for me then so be it.
My beautiful family. I make sure I'm grateful for them every day.
2. Trust
I'm an honest person. I don't deceive people and I expect the same from others. If I am deceived, my trust is broken and it's a long way back to repair that.
3. Honesty
(see above)
4. Respect
I try to treat everyone with respect. If you respect me then you'll get the same back. Disrespect me however and the same will come back at you ten fold. I make no apologies for that.
5. Fitness
I've always been an extremely fit person (except lately when I've smoked but hey, I'm working on it!). I've served in the military and some pretty high level policing groups which have always demanded the highest level of fitness; for your own safety as well as the safety of your mates. I've been a few hairy situations where I believe a MASSIVE factor in me surviving was my level of fitness. When fitness means the difference between life and death it becomes pretty important!
6. Justice
This comes with the job I'm in but it's a chicken and the egg type scenario. Is this so important to me because I'm a cop? Or did I become a cop because it's important to me? Either way, if somebody has done something wrong in my eyes, they deserve to be punished. If that's something I can facilitate then I'll make it my mission to ensure it happens.
Once I'd identified my values I examined each one and figured out what behaviours and decisions I could implement in my life which were consistent with them and which weren't. It's enough for today though - I need to clean the house before I pick the boys up from childcare! I'll address behaviours and decision making in my next post.
Just remember, if all else fails - LAMBO!
