Very interesting studies. Intuitively, it makes sense to me that the researchers found that both types of love decreased over time.
I really like your investment analogy though. I think that investing in companionship (i.e. friendship, communication, fun, play...etc) when romantic intimacy is low, allows the couple to continue to grow together and develop stronger bonds with one another, which is important. I think that a lot of relationships fail in the end because people stop maintaining their bond - they stop communicating and enjoying each others company and in turn, they grow apart.
I personally tend to think of love as an adaptive trait for our species and as something that has evolved in us, for child rearing purposes and also more recently in our history for social reasons. There may be dissonance between our marital expectations and the realities of our relationships because our innate drives haven't yet caught up to the rapid changes faced by society. For instance, marriage itself is not a natural phenomenon, animals in nature do not "get married" and sign contracts and all of that jazz. Marriage is a social construct that comes with a lot of rules and it is also maintained by things that exist beyond the natural emotions of the couple (i.e. money, careers, housing, etc). All of these things influence marriage and often make it even more binding than the feelings and emotions that the marriage was founded on.
Anyway, I kind of rambled on lol. Great article as always! It really got me thinking :)
Hello there @leaky20 :) It is nice to see you around!
So true. While within a couple bonding also takes place through intimacy, there are other venues that need equal attention too. Only through solid companionship and closeness a couple can overcome, for example, intimacy issues without having to go through too much awkwardness and resentment. This seem to be something that people either don't seem to understand, or if they do they forget all about it.
However, you can see how intimacy issues can unfold, when, there is disparity in companionate love! It is complex.
I 100% agree with your view of marriage as a social construct. When situated in the timeline of human history; yes, it seems like it is something in which we are still at beginners levels. Further, the unreal picture that is constantly portrayed by the mass media confuses our ideals and concepts.
There is an interesting study by Dr Bjarne Holmes, which I brought up on another comment as well, his research was on the role Hollywood romantic movies play in influencing peoples relationship's expectations. The findings are incredible (especially the ones regarding intimacy) People are so naive!
Yep! This can be seen from a positive angle or a negative one. Negative when they become the sole aspects keeping two people together. I have come across quite a few people (mostly women), who are unable to leave an unhappy relationship because of monetary issues. But, positive when it regards couples who manage to get up and go, and build things together :)
Thank you for this wonderful comments Leaky :). I am very pleased to hear this post have sparked some thoughts !
I wish you and your wife a wonderful weekend.
:)
The study on how Hollywood and the media shape expectations sounds very interesting. I'll have to check out that comment. I can totally see that being the case thought. I remember how movies and tv shaped my expectations in life when I was young - prom, dating...etc.
Thanks for the response and well wishes. Take care :)