Grief is something different. It's not sadness, anger, or loneliness. It often includes all of those, but there is more.
There is something unique about pulling yourself to wade into the grieving process. It always involves loss.
Perhaps it is like trekking into a mud pit
Each step is labored and unnatural. You can't really tell what you're stepping on, but you know retreat does not come easy and only at a precious cost, so you press in. You can't help but notice that the mud is getting deeper and you feel the weight of it on your abdomen, then your diaphragm. You come to a point where it wouldn't be accurate to say that your walking anymore because the mud is too high and too thick. But you descend deeper still.
You're here for a reason. It is involuntary in the sense that you didn't choose this path among many, but on realizing that this is the only path that leads forward you brought yourself to it. Moving through the Mud is slow and constricting. It is confusing and consuming at times. It is worth it. It is not an "it was all worth it journey." You've lost an invaluable and irreplaceable part of yourself. Something important was here yesterday, but vanished today. The journey doesn't change that or make that loss a good thing. But the journey is worth it. The alternative is death.
Mysteriously, you find something at the bottom of the pit that you bring with you to the other side. That thing is sometimes still burdensome for years, but also carries immense power and potential for healing and goodness. Frankly, it will travel with you whether you want it or not. It's usefulness will not be obvious. You must look harder.
It is often a lonesome path, but you don't do it alone.
May God have mercy on our souls.
Until next time, be blessed.
Sam
Image Source: Mudlake
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