It's not coincidence if you find yourself attracting the very opposite of who you are .
For example, if you're grounded you might find yourself drawn to someone who's free spirited and carefree .
A person who lives in the moment, rather than the future or the past.
I sometimes wondered why I'm drawn/ attract these types , but it only dawned on me recently I admired these qualities because I lacked them.
Being brought up in a traditional Italian family, saving money and getting married is everything.
Financial stability and commitment are primary values of mine, which unfortunately don't meche well with my opposite type.
I sometimes wish I didn't have these values instilled in me but as Ben Hardy, author of " Will Power Doesn't Work" states : "you are who you are because of your environment".
While we're all born with a unique temperament and character, external influences does play an important role in shaping our values.
Whether we want to believe it or not, environment is everything.
The only way to break free from it? Change your environment.
Money, for instance is a double edged sword. It's great to have it, but what good is it , if you're not actually enjoying your life?
It's only one component to living a fulfilling life.
So why do we attract our opposites?
To Fulfill Something that's Missing in Our Lives
Whether it's being a charismatic butterfly, or an introverted bookworm , we're drawn to our opposites because they complete us in a way we never thought possible.
Put it simply : they're the "ying to our yang"
Free spirits are drawn to grounded people because they offer security and structure, while grounded types are drawn to their polar opposite because they provide excitement and risk.
Differences in personality can work, but only to an extent.
Find the Sweet Spot
As much as differing personalities may clash, it's all about finding the sweet spot.
For example : if your partner enjoys quiet time, respect that and see the positive to it : less complaining.
According to an eharmony article : forging a relationship with an opposite is so hard because every difference you have requires negotiation and adaptation…which will necessitate plenty of change and stress".
Too many differences only leads to more strains involved in adapting to each other.
For example : someone who's on the extreme end of introversion may find it difficult to be with someone whose on the polar end of extroversion.
Yet, differing personality traits aren't the breaking point of a relationship, its core values that are.
Different Personalities Doesn't Mean Different Core Values
Just because your outgoing partner rather spend the day hiking and you rather relax in with a good book , doesn't necessarily makes you incompatible.
Compromise and seeking out the positive in differences is key.
Think of your core values as the foundation of a house : You need a solid foundation to start. Without it, the house won't hold up.
When asked couples who've been together for over 50 years, the number one successful indicator that came to mind : aligned values.
Your core values represent the foundation, the rest (personality traits/hobbies/interest) can be compromised
Knowing your core values is like having a road map to what makes you happy.
If your partner has career at the top of their values list, while commitment is on yours, chances are it's not going to work.
Put it simply :
At the end of the day, it's best to find someone with differing qualities that compliment your personality . Who have similar shared values and core beliefs.
Great post. Need the complimentary qualities that draw you out of yourself. Very healthy.
thanks! glad you enjoyed it