I feel that our energy is determined by our intention. You didn't intend for that to happen. I won't tell you some platitude like don't blame yourself because I personally can relate to situations where my actions had horrible unintended consequences, and I understand that we are our own worst critics and juries. I hope you find comfort and a way to honor her memory in your day to day life. I imagine she would've wished the same for you and would understand that it was just boys being boys, not some sinister plan to hurt her. Best of luck man
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Thank you for that. It honestly helped just typing it out. Putting it out there feels like a weight has been lifted.
I'm very glad to hear that. I know from experience that this kind of pain doesn't go away, but if you work through it you can come out the other side and learn to let go of the negative feelings no one would wish on you.