It is no secret that saying 'No' to people or declining offers can be difficult. Many people find it challenging to turn down requests from family, friends, workmates, or schoolmates for various reasons.
One of such reason might be to avoid relationship strain or damaging our relationships with others. Some people take offense or even pick a fight when their request is declined. Fights and quarrels can damage people's relationships with others. To avoid such conflicts, , many people find themselves giving in to every request and demand, even if it means stressing themselves and going far out of their comfort zone to please others.
Dealing with difficult employers is yet another reason why people find it challenging to say 'no' . People with difficult employers sometimes fear being sacked. This fear of unemployment pushes them to go as far as taking extra or night shifts at the expense of their comfort just to please their boss.
The desire to be liked and approved by other people makes it difficult to say no, which often comes from low self-esteem. People who usually decline requests are sometimes seen as difficult and unwilling to help, which makes others stay away from them. Due to the fear of rejection that comes with saying no, people often tend to agree to every request made by their friends and family just to be loved and approved, feeling that their value as a person depends on others.
The result is that, over time, people tend to take advantage of such person. They are always calling for help, which sometimes might not even be necessary. And since they know they can't be declined, they sometimes tend to be rude and make it seem as if it is one's duty and obligation to help them.
Additionally, Personal needs are thrown into thin air, because of being way to committed to please others with little or no time for yourself. The pressure to meet others demands and neglecting self care might lead to stress and frustration.
Any Benefit?
Saying no can be challenging, but it is it. By doing so individuals set boundaries and clearly communicate their limits. Which prevents them from taking more than they can handle, while prioritizing self-care. Even though one might be seen as being selfish and unwilling to help, sometimes it is good to be selfish, choose you, and do you. It can't be about every other person all the time; it should be about you sometimes.
Besides, learning the art of saying no and sticking to your ground helps individuals stay true to themselves and be their original selves who can make decisions based on their choices and needs instead of feeling pressured to feel accepted, approved, and loved by other people.
And yes, there are many commitments that people take up just to please others and end up regretting, which might not have happened if they declined, knowing fully well they couldn't handle it. For example, a person's employer may ask one to take the night shift, or a coworker might ask a fellow worker to cover up for him or her. Knowing fully well that you have other things already planned, you decide to take the shift and later regret it. It is better to decline at first while stating some reasons why you can't help at the moment.
A lot of people might don't know this, but not always giving in to people's demands to help them communicates that you value yourself enough to make decisions that align with your needs and goals. It shows self-respect, which in turn makes people respect you too because they can't just walk up to you in a rude or sarcastic manner to demand or request a favor. Sadly, a lot of people don't recognize this and have turned themselves into other people's slaves just because they can't say no.
If you have difficulty saying no to people, you might consider practicing how to, if eventually situations that might prompt a negative response arise. I have actually heard comments like, "My weakness is not knowing how to say no to people." And within, I thought, does that mean if such a person is asked to steal, kill, or perform other detrimental acts, he or she would actually do so because his or her weakness is not knowing how to say no? You'll definitely agree that the individual who made such a statement would not do so.
Similar to the way an individual claiming his weak spot is not knowing how to say no will not engage in harmful or life-threatening acts, it is possible to stand your ground and maintain your limits. Saying no politely will not in any way affect your relationship with others, in case you fear that. Words like 'I'm sorry to disappoint' but.......... or I can't help out at the moment because............. will not hurt either.
In essence, it is human nature to ask for help, and when we help them, it is an act of kindness on our part towards them. However, it is very important to master the art of saying 'no,' especially in situations that can be damaging and extremely discomforting for us. If we learn not to give in to people's demands, we stay true to ourselves and make decisions based on choices and level of importance rather than pressure from other people or even fear.
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image from pexel