Disclaimer: The article contains mild sexual content, in text and photos, that might cause you to get out of your comfort zone. Like all my posts.
Hello,
I need to ask you something, David.
I come from a conservative family. Sex is taboo in our home; we seldom talk about it. My mother has never explained to me the "facts of life" and about the female body and except for necessary things (like buying my first bra) she refused to talk about "those things". She says that sex is a dangerous, primitive and animalistic drive and a woman should keep her sexual impulses inside; that a woman should watch out for and control how she expresses herself; that a woman should be modest. I am a curious person so I had to find everything out by myself because I can't even ask my married sister who holds the same attitudes as my mother.
Credit: improvelife
Nowadays I am married to a man whom I love and respect. He is well educated and reads a lot and I enjoy his company. However, in bed, I feel that I am not good enough because I am very shy with him. He wants to explore our bodies and to talk about things that I have always been taught should not be discussed. My husband says that sexuality is a gift from God and humans should celebrate it and not ban it and shut it away in secret chambers.
I am confused and don't know what to do. I enjoy being with my husband and I want to please him but I find it difficult to go against the beliefs I was raised with. Who is right? My mother and sister or my husband?
Thank you,
Fatima
Fatima,
There is so much ignorance in the world about sexuality that I don't know where to begin. Thank you for this question which, I hope, will begin to shift some things.
Your question is asked on behalf of many women who live in traditional societies that are running to catch up with western progress. These traditional societies are not always so primitive and your mother's advice was surely given with good intentions. But closer observation is needed.
Sexuality is a natural part of life. The sex drive that both women and men feel is one way that the force of life expresses itself. As such it is a necessity of life just like food and drink that flow through your body.
The worldviews of your mother and many like her do not really originate in sexuality. They are actually founded upon and derived from a deeper stance towards the Self and the role of the human in the world. For many reasons, people have been taught to disregard their inner worth and to distrust the inner self and its manifestations. Some are led by the dogma that emphasizes the sinful self and sees man as a creature contaminated by original sin even before birth. It is likely that such people perceive themselves as sinners innately driven by evil forces. Sexuality is considered a hidden part of a barbarous self and therefore should be kept within bounds and not expressed freely and innocently as it was meant to be.
Credit: bishop-accountability
Many schools of religion and so-called esoteric knowledge have promoted the idea that sexuality and spirituality were diametrically opposed to each other (people in the sports arena often encourage the thought that sexual expression is somehow debilitating to the male and can weaken his condition). The fact is that sexual expression is, again, an important element in the entire range of human experience, encouraging mental and physical health and vitality. Some people may have a weaker or stronger sex drive than others and yet that drive is a strong part of any individual natural rhythm. Dammed up, such sexuality still keeps trying to express itself and might erupt in twisted ways.
Those with the beliefs just mentioned often think of sexuality as bestial, evil and even humiliating. These attitudes are most intense where the female sex is concerned. You have a strong and healthy drive toward sexuality, and if you believe that it is to be shunned at the same time, then you are in a very ambiguous position. Incidentally, women with such beliefs and conflicts often wind up having hysterectomies.
The dogma was promoted by the churches. They knew how powerful the force of the dragon is, how sexuality is a jumping board towards realization and mastery! They were afraid to lose their grip on the masses. Therefore, they connected sexuality, and women, with evil. Inserting guilt and shame into the minds of the people, which caused them, you and many others, to fear their sexuality or at least ignore it. Women, in general, carry within them an energetic structure that utilizes the sexual force more efficiently than men (again, generally speaking) and creates a stronger and longer connection with the inner self. This happens not only during the act of sex itself but also throughout the daily routine.
Credit: Saatchi art
The orgasms of the woman is greatly different than those of a man and if you allow yourself to explore this you will know what I am talking about. Later, when you are readier, your sexuality will reveal to you the life beyond life. That will greatly enhance the quality of your reality, the intimacy with your husband, but mostly disclose to you the wonders of your own existence.
But the first step is to release the shame and the guilt!
For the reasons I mentioned above, and out of ignorance, most men and women do not use their sexuality in ways that promote what I just described. Regrettably so. But do not let that affect you, Fatima! It is for you, to bravely examine your beliefs and to choose which of them serve you. Your respectful and loving family have served you well so far by providing the required conditions for your safe growth but now your life needs further expansion and growth. The conflict over your sexuality is basically a question of trust in the grander Self that you are, in nature and in the spontaneous character of life itself.
Your husband is here to help you break the barriers. With his wisdom, genteelness, and attention, he offers you a new perspective towards sexuality and life. It is a golden opportunity for you. Will you take it? Are you able to put aside the old world with its archaic dogmas and boldly step deeper towards yourself?
Good Luck.
Ignorance about sex are sometimes the causes of teen age or even younger pregnancy. Because they are not taught and people are shush about it, they try to learn by themselves and most of the time results in unwanted pregnancies. Shame, parents or mothers should teach their daughters an be open with questions and be ready with the right answers.
Indeed many people have been bound with various teachings that sex is a bad thing yet this is something that is natural and should not be over restricted for people to view it in a wrong perspective.
Sex is a natural thing and a gift from God, going against it results into undesirable negative impacts on human life that are majorly associated with a lack of freedom.
Fighting against nature is such a dangerous thing because it will always fight back whether we like it or not.
Thanks so much @nomad-magus for sharing.
And futile...
It's a sensitive topic, however, we should be open minded about and provide proper education especially to our kids. We should of course respect others if they are too conservative on topics about sex. Thank you @nomad-magus for sharing your views!😊❤
It is incredible what we wrongly achieved by instilling our own beliefs in our children, perhaps I will not blame their mother, surely it is a job that has been turning the wheel since our ancestors, but perhaps under these closed ideas of sex, freedom, sexuality, we create a very strong barrier in the development of our children, Today with so much information, we must raise people with a critical and open sense, who can see with an objective approach, both sides of the coin, I know it is not easy to get our children to spread their wings, but it is absolutely necessary that everyone can freely rely on what they feel and dream! Great advice, buddy.
Indeed. Freedom is the key element here, especially in our communication with the young ones. It's a great responsibility to be a parent!
Thank you :-)
Thanks, @nomad-magus for the enlightenment when I was growing up sex was considered as" bad things". Sex is a natural cause and clean for the married people so she should embrace it but let her not judge herself but explore the interesting part about sex .
And non - married to 🙂
A very beautiful response. She is lucky to have a husband like that. Most "Fatima"'s are unfortunately very far from getting an attitude like that from a men that comes from similar background. Hope your words caused her perception to shift, very well written
Thanks, mate 🙏
I followed up on her progress a while ago. They are still married, two kids now, and she says the communication is better than ever thanks to her willingness to open up.
In life, there is a difference in perception, attitudes, and behaviour of spouses is reasonable. No exception in the Affairs of sex. Like the difference in household affairs of the other, if managed properly, the difference in sex matters thus could be a liaison for mutual understanding. But if not managed correctly, the difference can be a source of discord.
In fact, the relationship of husband and wife is the unification of the various differences. Physical or psychic, men are much different than women. In General, men tend to be active while the women tend to be passive. Male wants sex, female desires the taste of blissful.
In my opinion.
sex education on children is a task at once the responsibility of the parents, while the only other institution or as a supporting unit only.
But, in providing sex education on children, parents need to pay attention to the sense of security and comfort the child, that parent should have no need to be shy in explaining something to a child or when answering a question that leveled fruit hearts them.
"Sex education Material needs to be delivered in the warm atmosphere of the family, provide the correct information and scientific, communicates with simple language so that children understand. In addition, parents should also be quiet, not surprised or shy when describing something, give an explanation of according the age children and limiting answers or explanations only on the question of children.
**IT IS IMPORTANT **to be aware of parents in parenting and educating children is to give confidence in children that he loved for what it is so that children feel safe and trust in parents.
Parents also should show an open attitude, ready to discuss with children, are able to communicate clearly.
"In sexual development, parents need not worry excessively, but need to know the things to do and sensitive to change.
Thanks my Teacher @nomad-magus
Your story about sex is really interesting and It's happened my life also.
Most of the girls hide this content!!!!
always try to control herself,,
Control?
In what way? How? Why?
actually in life is full of character. where things are usually done. according to my understanding of the mind and the union of lovers. meaning this relationship is more worthy of relationships in the household. we know exactly how to move forward something desired.
Nice topic,,