I asked him twice, “are you sure, it’s OK.” Every time I asked, he would consider it and make body language like, yes. Yet, his head would pop up, his eyes would get big and he would say, “no thanks.”
I think this is the cue that was missed. While they may need it, and as irrational as this sounds, the one you're giving help to is still a man and has some pride left not to be pitied. I'm sure stepping on that pride by giving gifts wasn't your intention but on his point of view, it must've been embarrassing to take too much of the favor. Pride, if there was one involved in that situation, is irrational and counterproductive but I'm sure he can understand the gesture if he didn't bite you for doing good. What I do is find a means for an even trade, don't give too much and don't give it without a trade off (for cases when I know the other person is likely to reject but still need it).
An example, a neighbor that had a scrawny kid in the past and shabby shelter living next door spells out the family ain't having enough nutritional foods to live by. Being the good neighbor, giving them food occasionally is the right thing to do but doing it often can make them dependent and lean towards entitlement, or be resentful that they are being pitied, pride works in irrational ways but this is what happens when you give too much even with good intentions. The approach was asking for stuff they can reasonably provide in return. I recall my mother/father would just ask for rock salt/sugar/spices and claim they forgot to buy one off the market just to give the other party a means to pay the favor back.
I see heroes don't really see their provider roles as a problem because they judge themselves for their own good intentions. But being a one sided giver can sometimes encourage resentment because people don't want to feel being pitied. Maybe that's what the other person felt when they turned some of your offers down, maybe.
My friend said that he’s given the same guy some items and he never sees the guy with the items later.
I imagined the guy selling/trading the items for stuff he might have needed.
The old lady probably didn’t have a meth problem.
Fortunately, meth isn't a common problem for most street dwellers unless they live in big cities.
Thanks for your insight here!
Great ideas and truths. Thanks.
I don’t think he had anything other than more rainwater to trade with. Hmmm, I guess I could’ve asked him to teach me a word from his native language in exchange for the umbrella. (he seemed to have nothing except wet clothing, and a place to stand under a liquor stores awning.)