This couch, this very couch and position is an anchor, here I am whole, here I am complete.
The speakers, 2 metres away send sound waves through the air and with them comes emotion, feeling, a crashing waterfall of pure sound, sending me on a rollercoaster. Suddenly the intention of moving fills my body, a twitching finger, opening of the eyes, I can get up, I am alive and I can move, breathing deep and shifting my legs I am now acutely aware of my potential to do, to act, to make motion and immediately affect my surroundings, but now, what to do? All the potential in the world and what should be done?
I need to urinate, purpose, a desire to move out of my comatose state. Every action needed to take to reach the toilet is crystal clear, including what I will see, hear and feel. And suddenly like a lid clipping into place perfectly on a container the memory of getting up and going to the toilet, washing my hands and sitting back down slides into my brain, enough so that I remember having done it. Why get up to experience something you have already experienced?
One by one new memories arise, the further I look into this strange sphere of experience -without experience more and more versions of my self are walking around the house, or have, has it happened or not? I cannot be sure. I’m hungry, it’s ok I don’t need to get up, I’ve already experienced the satisfaction of the first bite of the orange I pre-cut just for this moment. I watch myself walk around the house, and I am lost in this overwhelming sense of doing or having already done everything I think about doing.
Brain overload. Too many Me’s, too much experience. If everything is already something I can experience then why go do it. I want to do something but now I am stuck in this seat, what’s the point. Panic at the thought. Followed immediately by calm. I still need to pee, despite the memory existing I didn’t actually accomplish the relief I so desperately craved 5 minutes ago. Need, purpose, desire and action. I stand up, the chains of thought are broken, and every me there ever was disappears.