Honesty as a Policy

When I was 16 I came across a book series (still my favourite fantasy series to date), and without going full nerd on you I'll quickly explain why it changed my life for the better.

A certain select few people in the universe that the brilliant Robert Jordan created in this book series can use magic, because of the immense power this gave them over other ordinary people these select few people took oaths to promote trust, one of these oaths was to say no word that isn't true. So naturally, these magic wielders learn to use language in a way that manipulates the truth, or makes people believe they've said one thing when they actually in fact mean another.

16 year old me was fascinated by this idea, and attracted to it too, I liked the idea of never lying again but of also learning to use and manipulate language, it seemed slick and smart and like a bit of a challenge, and so i decided to start trying.
If you've ever tried to not lie for a day you'll quickly realise that not only is it really difficult BUT also you're a chronic liar, small untruths come out easy and slip by unnoticed and supplement our day (especially for a 16 year old boy trying to impress friends, girls and trying to hide things from his parents and teachers).

So my newfound desire to only tell the truth took a bit of a hit, instead of making it an oath to myself I decided I'd get better at it over time, and I tried to, it's not easy (although I do recommend it) and my motivation towards this came and went with the passing of time, sometimes I tried to follow this rule more and sometimes I gave myself slack (usually when it benefited me) but something I learnt over the next 4 years is that lying comes easy, we lie a lot more than we think we do but also lying isn't just the passing of words from my mouth, I learnt to feel the lie by focusing on it and somehow pretending to be interested in a conversation, pretending to be happy, pretending to enjoy a party or pretending to get along with a group of people who you are maybe just not your people, that all felt like lying.

It is in a sense I guess?

Because of this slow burning realisation I started trying to become more and more authentic to the self, because there was some strange feeling of weakness (?) there when I lied? But also a realisation that most of who I was to other people was a false version of myself I was putting out, and the true me wanted to be seen, and to be seen I needed to present myself honestly, ideas about bending the truth through use of words started to fade, because suddenly that itself was a lie.
The point of a lie is to make someone think other than what is, bending the truth is still doing that, even if the words themselves are true, and so I decided that if i could I wanted to make other people think that what is is what is (sorry).

This doesn't become easier, lying is almost a natural part of life, but the longer I go on and try and use honesty as a life policy the better things seem to become, it's an experiment, and so far it's going well, I hope to keep trying and I'll probably write about it again, but first I recommend trying it for yourself -> can you go a week without lying?

I also recommend reading chapter 8 of 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson (regardless of your political stance) the chapter focuses on honesty vs lying and some of the thought behind why honesty and truth are the way to improve not just your life and the lives of those around you but also the lives of the rest of world (if only we could all be honest)

PS: Don't tell you wife/mom/boyfriend/friend that yes they do look ugly in that shirt/dress/outfit, be nice, but try not to lie haha

Ah, the omnipresent paradox of whether it is ever all right to tell lies, and the justifications that result from telling the "little white" ones. :)

I think my favorite thought on the matter comes from the aphoristic mouth of Thomas Szasz who wrote in The Myth of Mental Illness:

"Honesty is the best policy" is a familiar English saying. In Hungarian, an equally familiar saying is, "Tell the truth and get your head bashed in." The contradiction between these two proverbs is more apparent than real. In fact, each refers to a different social situation; and each is valid in its own context. Honesty is the best policy in instrumentally oriented relationships, and the worst in institutional settings. Einstein was rewarded for telling the truth in the open society of science; Galileo was punished for it in the closed society of the Church.

In other words, honesty is the best policy to adopt with those who are honest, and the worst to adopt with those who are dishonest. :)