Every day offers people many opportunities to do things for others. However, it may seem that many only think of themselves. They see evidence everywhere - from the shameless way people misuse others to the aggressive way they go from their raw language to their explosive states of mind.
A first-person mentality exists in many homes. For example, some divorce just because a partner feels that he or she deserves better. Even some parents can unknowingly sow the seeds of a first-person spirit. As? By indulging in the whim of her child, and reluctant to practice any kind of discipline.
In contrast, many other parents train their children. Children who are considerate will more likely make friends and enjoy stable relationships. They are rather satisfied. Why? Because, as the Bible says, "there is more happiness in giving than receiving." Acts 20:35.
If you are a parent, how can you help your children to reap the benefits of selfishness? Consider three traps that could promote a first-person mind in your children, and see how you can avoid those traps.
1. Overpraising
The problem. Researchers have noticed a disturbing trend: many young adults enter the workforce with a high standard of entitlement - an attitude in which they expect success, even if they earn little or nothing. Some simply assume that they are promoted quickly, even without mastering their trade. Others are convinced that they are special and deserve to be treated that way - and then they are defeated when they realize that the world does not share their opinion.
What is behind it? Sometimes a sense of justification can be traced back to how a person was educated. For example, some parents have been unduly influenced by the self-esteem movement that has become popular in recent decades. His principles seemed plausible: if a little praise for children is good, much praise is better. On the other hand, there was the thought that any kind of disapproval would only discourage a child. And in a world of self-esteem, this was the epitome of irresponsible education. Children should never feel bad - or the parents were told.
Many fathers and mothers began to give their children a constant stream of praises, even if these children did nothing particularly praiseworthy. Every achievement, no matter how small, was celebrated; every indiscretion, no matter how big, was overlooked. These parents believed that the secret of self-esteem was ignoring the bad and praising everything else. It was more important to make the children feel good than to teach them to do things they could really feel good about.
What does the Bible say? The Bible recognizes that praise is appropriate when it is deserved. (Matthew 25: 19-21) But to praise children only to give them a good feeling can lead them to develop a distorted view of themselves. The Bible aptly says, "If anyone thinks he is something, if he is nothing, he is cheating on his own opinion." (Galatians 6: 3) For a good reason, the Bible tells parents, "Do not forget to correct your children, you will not kill them by being strong." - Proverbs 23:13,
What you can do. Make it your goal to support it when needed and to praise it when it is truly deserved. Do not give praise just to make sure your kids feel well. It probably does not work. "True self-confidence comes from rewarding one's talents and learning things," says the Genesis book, "not from being told you're only because you exist."
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you should. Instead, be modest.”—Romans 12:3,
2 Overprotecting
The problem. Many young adults entering the workplace do not seem prepared for adverse circumstances. Some are affected by the slightest criticism. Others are tricky and accept only work that meets their highest expectations. For example, Dr. Joseph Allen in the book Losing Endless Youth by a young man who told him during a job interview: "I feel that sometimes parts of the work can be a bit boring, and I do not know, I want to be bored." Dr. Allen writes, "He did not seem to understand that all jobs have boring elements, how did you manage to get twenty-three without knowing it?"
What is behind it? In recent decades, many parents have been forced to protect their children from all kinds of hardship. Your daughter failed a test? Intervene and demand that the teacher increases the grade. Your son got a ticket? Pay the penalty for him. A failed romance? Put all the blame on the other person.
Although it is natural to want to protect your children, overprotection can send the wrong message that they have no responsibility for their actions. "Instead of learning that they can survive and even learn from pain and disappointment," says Positive Discipline for Teenagers, "such children grow up extremely self-centered, convinced that the world and their parents owe them something."
What does the Bible say? Adversity is a part of life. In fact, the Bible says, "Bad things happen to everyone!" (Ecclesiastes 9:11, easy to read version) That includes good people. For example, the Christian apostle Paul suffered all sorts of hardships in the course of his ministry. But he devoted himself to adversity! He wrote: "I have learned under whatever circumstances I am to be independent .... I have learned the secret of how to become full and hungry, both how to be abundant and how to suffer. -Philippians 4:11, 12.
What you can do. Take into account the degree of maturity of your children and follow the biblical principle: "We all have to bear our own burden." (Galatians 6: 5, CEV) If your son receives a ticket, it may be best to let him pay the penalty out of his pocket money or salary. If your daughter fails a test, it may be a wake-up call for her to be better prepared next time. If your son experiences the separation of a romance, comfort him - but in due course, help him reflect on questions such as, "Did this experience show in hindsight how to grow?" Children Working Together Their problems build resilience and self-confidence - things they may lack if someone keeps rescuing them.
“Let each one prove what his own work is, and then he will have cause for exultation.”—Galatians 6:4
3 Overproviding
The problem. In a survey of young adults, 81 percent said that the most important goal of their generation is "getting rich" - far above helping others. But pursuit of wealth brings no satisfaction. In fact, research shows that people who focus on material things are less happy and more depressed. They also have a higher rate of physical and mental problems.
What is behind it? In some cases, children are raised in materialistic families. "Parents want to make their children happy and children want stuff," says the book The Narcissism Epidemic. "So, parents buy things for them, and children are happy, but only for a short time, so they want more stuff."
Of course, the advertising industry was too eager to use this hungry consumer market. It promotes ideas like "You deserve the best" and "Because you are worth it." Many young adults have devoured the message and are now in debt, unable to pay for the things they "deserve."
What does the Bible say? The Bible recognizes the need for money. (Ecclesiastes 7:12) At the same time, he warns that "the love of money is at the root of all kinds of harmful things." It adds, "By engaging in this love ... they stabbed themselves with much pain" (1 Timothy 6:10). The Bible encourages us not to pursue material riches but to be content with the basic necessities of life (1 Timothy 6: 7, 8).
“Those who are determined to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and many senseless and hurtful desires.”—1 Timothy 6:9
What you can do. As a parent, examine your own attitude towards money and the things it can buy. Maintain your priorities and help your children do the same. The narcissism epidemic that has already been mentioned suggests: "Parents and children can discuss issues such as" When is buying things for sale a good idea? When is it a bad idea? «» What is the interest rate? "When did you buy something because someone else thought you should do it? "
Be careful not to use "stuff" as a drug to treat family issues that need to be addressed. "Throwing material goods against problems is a notoriously unsuccessful solution," says the book The Price of Privilege. "Problems need to be addressed with thought, insight and empathy, not shoes and purses."
NOTE: The Bible does not advocate physical or emotional abuse of children. (Ephesians 4:29, 31; 6:4) The goal of correction is to teach, not to provide an outlet for a parent’s anger.
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