This is an exceptionally well done post. Bravo. I've never looked into actually querying via SQL. In fact, I wouldn't know the first thing about it, but you've made this sound doable.
Maybe I'll give it a try myself in the near future. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks @ethandsmith! As a power Excel user (I love my nested if statements LOL), SQL was actually very simple and intuitive to pick up. If you are at all tech savvy I would just grab one of the sample queries and start playing around with it, that is basically what I did (started with some queries built by others) and it really didn't take me long to gain a decent degree of proficiency.
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