I am thoroughly appalled by the actions of the Steemit Community: by freezing Justin’s steem and limiting his liquidity, not only are you creating a financial hardship for him, but you also destroying the lives of everyone who works for him.
For instance, when Justin sends me out to buy his favorite caviar, on this new shoestring budget, I now have to buy roe, and pray that he doesn’t notice. Do you even know what roe is?
It’s fish spunk!
That’s right! You’re forcing my master to eat fish gravy!
Also, I was not able to pay the monthly dues to the elites, so now, I have to somehow explain that he will not be going to the orgy and all I can manage are two somewhat rabid-looking prostitutes, with questionable genders, and if Justin feels the need to strangle something, he will have to settle for a stray cat.
Now you tell me, how am I suppose to look him in the eye after that conversation?
And it’s not like I’m a slacker, I’m always going the extra mile. Justin initially hired me because I have knack for procuring the perfect orphan for any occasion: no matter where we’re at in the world, I can have them delivered in under an hour, but am I still able to serve a dozen plump orphans to Justin and his Wall Street buddies?
Hell no!
Instead, I’m having to spend my days commandeering bitcoins from Poloniex just to cover this back-alley romance, while dealing with the constant knocks from the grizzliest repo men that I ever seen.
That’s right!
The fucking Tronmobile was just repossessed, with all of Justin’s dry cleaning still in the trunk, including his masks and capes. So late at night, when the city beckons, will he still be able to punish the homeless?
Hell no!
So now, this morning, I was forced to wrap myself in phone books, because all those misplaced knives, will be directed at me!
Not since the “Hacker One” fiasco of 2019, have I been in so much peril and I want this to sit with you: so all you hackers know how you’re affecting real people.
Thank you for providing us with some much needed satire in these harsh times ;>)
You're welcome and I'm glad to see you again :)
Going to assume you said "Steemit community" incorrectly on purpose.
Dear Master @edicted, I used the term "Steemit Community" to subtly imply ownership over the "steem" community, so when my Master reaches step seven in his master plan, it won't come as such a shock.
This is too awesome.
“Wrap myself in phonebooks” hah
I love rich people.
Source: What is the Difference Between Caviar and Roe?
While I detest Beluga caviar, and have limited appreciation for Salmon roe, I was raised on Herring roe, and highly recommend it. It's crunchy, not mushy, fresh flavored and not fishy at all, and it's one of the highest nutrient dense foods in the known universe.
Thank you Master @quochuy, I will try to remember say this, if my Master ever catches me serving him roe.
Just add salt 🤣
O how I regret my hacking now!
Dear Master @valued-customer, it is not to late for you to change your wicked ways. All you have to do is unfreeze my masters steem, so, he can sell it tomorrow and then your soul will be seventy million times lighter.
It's too late... the poison pill in the code... Tron has already executed it, and the timer is running. Oh, the humanity! Why!?!? Why did you ever let him install those sock puppet witnesses!?!!?
You should start a go-fund-me for your master...We wouldn't want him to have to go without an appropriate coronavirus mask through the inability to pay for it.
Dear Master @galenkp, thank you for your concern, but the coronavirus cannot replicate in reptilian blood.
Now I just feel stupid...I hadn't considered that reverse-zoonosis, human to animal viral transfer, didn't apply to those of the reptilian species. Still, a mask would spare the rest of us from the sight of him.
Pardon me Master @galenkp for breaking character, but I laughed way too hard at this.
Haha! Well, laughter is the best medicine they say...And these days a little medicine is most welcome. Now...Back into character you!
Never!
I'm going full gonzo!!!
What do you do when he demands the "beatings"? I'm sure there are certain ones who are in higher demand than others... Does he like the whips and shackles or is he more of the cuckold type? Maybe he is into S&M? Maybe he is just into golden showers or pegging...
Hey, who am I to judge. EVERYONE has their KINK!!!
Dear Master @flemingfarm, nothing is off the table, but like all young men, there seems to be an escalation into the sadistic.
This is my kind of comedy right here.
Pardon me, Master @daltono, but I think you may have misspelled tragedy.
You’re right. We need better hookers.
I honestly don't know how this man is surviving without his stake, should we start a gofund me in the SPS? Justins daily bread
Finally, within this sea of misery, I find someone reasonable. Master @chekohler, I want to thank you for being a beacon of hope in this dreary day.
Have you ever considered becoming a top 20 witness?
Just say the word and I'm sure Justin will hire you to manage a few witness accounts.
Thanks for the offer but Growing up in the hood I was taught never to be a witness, snitches get stitches
Ain’t that the truth!
Lol here we go, now I have to hear about how you lived down the road from Whitey Bulgar
I mean he is from the same place I am! Kind of.. just a few dozen more miles away..
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