When I first arrived at Steemit Inc. I was supposed to report directly to the Executive Chairman: Ned Scott, so he could sign my internship papers, but when I first saw Ned he was aggressively rocking a vending machine back and forth. He looked like a man possessed as he stared beyond the glass while yelling: “Drop the fucking Dorritos!” Then he turned to me and demanded: “Hey programmer, can you hack the Dorritos out of this fucking thing?”
Frozen with fear, I tried to think of the right words to say, but then he impatiently turned back to the machine and began aggressively shaking it as he barked: “Fucking D3! You’re taking the food out of my fucking mouth!
Needless to say, I wasn’t sure if he was the right guy, so, I pulled out my intern forms anyway and asked: “Are you Ned Scott?” Then, out of nowhere, Ned let go of the vending machine and headed towards me. As I watched the vending machine slam into the wall, Ned punched me right in the face and then ran out of the office screaming: “You’ll never take me alive!”
I was absolutely mortified and since this was my first internship I wondered what I’d done wrong. So, I handed my papers to a receptionist and as I tried to explain what happened, some guy who was dressed in a greasy auto-mechanic jumpsuit, overheard the conversation and said: “You gotta be kiddin’ me!” and then he solemnly walked over to a sign that read: “Safety Is Our Primary Goal! Days Since Last Accident 0012.” As I watched him flip the numbers back to zero, the receptionist asked me to wait in the conference room while she called Ned.
After what felt like hours, Ned burst into the room saying: “I am so sorry for the mix up, I thought you were a process server!”
“That’s all right!” I blurted out without thinking.
“No, what happened to you was unacceptable and if you’re willing to sign these forms I promise I will make it up to you,” he said while sliding some papers across the table.
“Make it up to me?” I asked.
“Yeah, I can compensate you… I mean I don’t have the money on me, but maybe in a few days... Or if you could give me a few weeks… Listen can I level with you?” He asked in a soft but serious tone while leaning toward me.
“Yeah, whatever you...” leaked from my frightened lips.
“I’m a victim of the ‘Me Too Movement.’ You’ve heard about that right?… So basically they got me by the balls and I’m a bit strapped for cash, but if you sign that, I promise I will make it up to you.”
As I listened to him speak, I realized that he was exuding a nervous energy that made me want to climb the walls to escape, so, I said, “Sure” and I quickly signed the forms.
“Welcome to Steemit!” Ned proclaimed while extending his right hand and I instinctively reached forward to shake his hand.
“I’m really glad to have you!” he said, while shaking my hand. After the customary two shakes, I loosened my grip, but he went for the third and then, as our hands came back down he refused to loosen his grip at all; instead adding his other hand and saying softly: “Can you feel that? The energy’s really good right now!” and then he lowered his brow almost squinting while staring directly into my eyes.
It was so awkward my eyes didn’t know where to look and they began darting around the room until he finally broke the silence: “Oh, it’s all so clear now... You were orphaned as a baby and you grew up in an orphanage in… Ohio.”
At this point, I was literally jumping out of my skin, “What the fuck are you talking about?” I blurted out while trying to yank my hand back.
“No! Don’t tell me anything, I’ll get this!” he demanded just before he returned to staring.
I was becoming very concerned about what kind of website Steemit Inc was and I kept getting intrusive thoughts that it may be a rapey version of Grinder. Panic was setting in and my mouth tried to go rogue, “I’ve never even been on Steemit Inc before, is it like Griiin... Uh- I mean SnapChat or FaceBook?”
A puzzled look fell over Ned’s face and he let go of my hand, “You mean you don’t even know?… How can I explain this?… Have you heard of Friendster?”
“No” I said.
“Well, Friendster was the first social network and just like Friendster, Steemit is the first social network to be built on a blockchain. Now, unlike all the big social networks like FaceBook and Snapchat, Steemit was designed specifically, so, you will never run into your grandma... or anybody else that you might know; so Steemit will always remain cool,” he explained.
“Is Friendster a foreign website?” I asked.
“No, it was American, but Friendster failed because they didn’t have private messaging,” he explained.
“Oh, so you learned from Friendster’s mistakes and created version of Friendster with private messaging?” I asked.
“No! Are you even listening?… Private messaging brings grandmas and Steemit is a grandma-free-zone! We are the first! Like friendster!” he exclaimed gruffly.
I knew that I shouldn’t ask any more question, but the words just slipped out: “What’s your deal with grandmas?”
In that moment, Ned completely hulked-out: every vein rose to the surface of his neck and he launched the nearest chair at me. I quickly took cover under the table and I heard him begin to sob as he stormed out of the room.
So, I left early and I wasn’t expecting to return, but later when I checked my voicemail Ned left three messages that strung together formed an apology song, with a little cursing in between; it was so weird.
btw that's you in the background.
And now I have an identity...
That is awesome!
I haven't read any long post for a very long time. I've read this one to the end. I was convinced at first that you were really Ned's intern.
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Thank you so much, I am really glad that you enjoyed it!
Lol I was too! I was like uh wtf?
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hahahaha! Same here x 2
Hi and welcome here! When I started on steemit, my biggest problem was to find interesting people to interact with. So, to help newcomers getting started I created a directory with other interesting and or talented steemians to follow or interact with. Feel free to check it out at https://www.steemiandir.com I am sure it will help you find like-minded people. Enjoy your stay here and do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions!
Hilarious.
Where can I apply for an intership like yours?
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I suspect that some of Steemit's employees might actually be volunteers working off their community service, so, if you're not in school you could check with a parole officer.
I giggled. Nice job neds intern. 👏👏
🤣
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Thank you!
No one cares
So sad to see people make their selves unhappy with this technology. Yes It is really a serious job when there is money.
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What, flagging make me useful, gives me another tool to use to control and manipulate people to change their behaviors, especially greedy people! lol Flags are weapons, however only work best when I do them right!
She knows too, I trail @kdt’s flags! There is no sense in adding emotion to the mix, unless... are you a botched cyborg? Flags are not feelings, not sure how you humans can feel the flags? #bewildered Does it hurt or something? I got some for you, time for some testing, hold still, it won’t hurt I promise. It’s just a flag! Get over it bro, it’s all in your head!
Dear friend. Yes some use it to rule people. But as i see you use it for battle too. That downvote or flag only makes people sad. I am not a pro at psychology nor social sciences. But i think there must be a better way of making good people. All of us must learn relativity first. Steemit: Social Trading Platform
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Ok you’re right, they used to make me sad to, in the beginning! I’ll try to keep them to the battlefield. I know the difference! That button giff was cool! I go back and undo!
I care!
That was disturbing.
mmh could've been funnier
I couldn't decide to comment a serious welcome or funnier one with this account name and start😊😅😂🤣
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Do you have any advice?
Maybe some things Ned actually did/said, there should be plenty.
The subject matter or a certain part?
The entire thing.
This was funny as shit. Nice work! Great profile idea too.
Thank you :)
I can't even.
lol
I can't believe how well this is resonating, thank you so much!
Welcome to Steemit @neds-intern!
I wish you much success and hope you find Steemit to be as rewarding and informative as I have.
Here are some links you might find useful.
Your stats on SteemNow
Your stats on SteemWorld
Your stats on SteemD
How does Steemit actually work?
Oh yea, I have upvoted you and followed you. Many blessings!
BTW maybe you can do a post about your experiences with Eli.
I've been away from Steemit for about 5 months, so, I've got some research to do, but after reading this comment, I watched one of her videos.
Ned's intern my ass!
Shhh, you're blowing my cover!
Is this a statement or a command? I guess if it were a command, there would be a comma.
;-)
I read this while driving and almost hit somebody. Thanks @neds-intern
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I love you so much right now!
HIGHLY rEsteemed!
Never freeze in fear of a Dorito fan he is human, he actually is, by the way can the hack the machine ???!
Britt
Hahaha! Good story! Maybe not so far from the reality
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This is gold
LOL. Wish you a nice experience with this account name? 😊😅
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LOL! Must be the only piece of content I've read on Steem that I had to share with someone else who is not on Steem/steemit. Primarily because my company demanded to know why I was laughing so hard :p.
Gj!
I am so glad you enjoyed it.
It's great to see you have returned in style it's been rather dry without your prose.
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Thank you so much, I really missed writing for Steemit.
Epic selfie by future24
Welcome neds-intern!
eSteem is the application that improves your experience on Steem. You have full control over your data and content, unlike some apps we don't use our users to promote our application or services.
We have Mobile application for Android and iOS users. We also have developed Surfer Desktop application that helps you to gain new followers and stay connected with your friends, unique features - notifications, bookmarks, favorites, drafts, and more.
We reward our users with encouragement upvotes as well as monthly giveaways rewarding Spotlight top users and active Discord users.
Learn more: https://esteem.app
Join our discord: https://discord.gg/8eHupPq
Welcome to Steem neds-intern! Partiko is officially the fastest and most popular mobile app for Steem. Unlike other Steem apps, we take 0% cut of your earnings! You can also be rewarded with Partiko Points while using Partiko and exchange Partiko Points for upvotes!
Partiko for Android can be downloaded here on Google Play and the iOS version is available here on the App Store.
If you have more questions, feel free to join our Discord channel and ask @crypto.talk, we're always here to help!
Thank you so much for your interest!
Congratulations @neds-intern! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
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Welcome to steemit @neds-intern.
Welcome the new steemians. Have a great day!
Hey @neds-intern Welcome here dear... Glad to see you here....
Upvoted you 100% !!!
Hope just like your #introduceyourself post your every post gets on top and you achieve your goal using steemit...
Do view my profile and follow me to get one of the amazing valuable blogs on steemit!!!! Thanks=)
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Congratulations @neds-intern!
Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade for newcomers in the following category:
I also upvoted your post to increase its reward
If you like my work to promote newcomers and give them more visibility on the Steem blockchain, consider to vote for my witness!
Have a nice day!
I recommend this post for the initiative of @atongis in hellpigr fellow newbies.
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Great introduction post. Warm welcome to the great community.
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I would like to recommend this post for the initiative of @otom in helping the red fishes or newbie here. Welcome! Try to check @otom timeline.
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Holy shit I lol'd so hard reading this. Thanks for the laughs!
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