I recognize these problems too on my posts sometimes. I really just ignore them. I always am pretty good about replying to comments that people give me when they aren't any of the above mentioned awful ones you showed.
However I haven't noticed any of these spammers going as far as what you showed happened with @deadspace's comment. That's ridiculous...
I honestly am laughing so hard that there are ALREADY some of the things you mentioned happening in this article, what a fun bonus challenge!